Lately I've been flirting with the notion that I could use my artistic skills to place myself in this world. Ever since I was little I found I could draw fairly easily. I remember a circumstance when I was about 5 years old. I drew a sports car similar to what I saw a teenager do. My mom was pretty impressed with how mature it looked. I didn't do much with it until I got into 8th grade and took my first art class because of a girl. I know... it's always because of a girl right?
So there I was, a week into school and my assignment was to draw two things by looking at them. One was my shoe and the other was my watch. I drew them to scale so perfectly that my teacher recommended that I jump immediately to Art II class (which I did).
From there is was like a light bulb went off artistically. Before I knew it I was drawing, painting, using pastels and charcoal. Even tought myself how to write in perfect calligraphy. I began using my new found skills for evil purposes when I wrote several poems to girls in school using that calligraphy technique. Worked every time. Although my first few poems were a bit remedial. I think one went like this...
Everytime I think of you I feel a shock, right through me to you.
And when I see you I get chills because I'm thinking of what to do.
Notice the first line? Yeah, I stole that from the band New Order. Seriously, google it. Better yet here it is:
http://www.lyricskeeper.com/new_order-lyrics/228121-everytime_i_see_you_fall-lyrics.htm
Nice huh.
Anyhow. Yada, yada, yada.... fast forward 12 years after high school. I begin painting again abstractly. I used my emotion to fuel this newfound addiction and created a 3 part painting series of a tiny, lonely shadowed guy. The first was him contemplating leaving his current life for a possible better future. The second was him being torn between the world and his own thoughts, and the last was him rowing off to the sunset hoping to finally capture his star.
In the past few years I have painting abstract emotion, portraits, and from my photos I took in Europe. But my new challenge is movie scenes. A few weeks ago I sketched a scene from the Matrix (the one where Neo stops the bullets) and ever since I have been itching to try it as a painting on a larger scale. Unfortunately I have yet to attempt this one.
I'd like to think that I am just planning the right time to be inspired to tackle it, but really I feel I am more scared to. I've always been a "put your mind to it" kind of person but I am afraid of getting too wrapped up trying to make it perfect that it will soon become a vandetta for me.
Even though I consider myself an artist of all types I find that I do this in a more mathematical way. In life I have learned to trust my instincts but in my art I have fallen short of that. It's the fear of failure that has consumed me and I feel one day I will wake up and realize I am not an artist but a person pretending to be.
Perhaps art is my gift to the world but I will never truly know until I learn to shed my layers of doubt and let it come from the heart (without worry of what anyone else thinks).
No comments:
Post a Comment