I've never been one to be completely comfortable with my professional life. I am always on the go looking for a way to ease my mind and make sense of the world. That's why the life of an artist truly suits me.
I have been all over the map it seems: from starting my own internet company and moving to LA for acting to creating my own film projects and photography. I am also an avid drawer and painter and love to sketch life-like images with precision. I have flown all around the world and at time taken up a foreign language as a hobby. And in between all of this I sometimes work a regular job just to keep my head on straight.
Matter of fact I am looking for a temp job now. Not really because of money but because right now my mind is so crossed up that I actually need something to take me away from it all for awhile.
I love the creative side of me, but sometimes it's a true burden. I get so lost in being free that I don't realize how consumed I actually am at the time. I also understand the psyche of artists and actors as they let alcohol and drugs take over their persona's. I for one will never allow myself to get to the at point, but sometimes finding an escape of any kind is all some of us are really looking for.
Luckily for me I have a stable family that depends on me as much as I depend on them. That is the one constant in my life that I most honorably cherish and will never relinquish. I have often turned down creative opportunities because I chose not to negatively influence my life and take away from my obligations at home. I know first hand how it feels to grow up without feeling welcomed in your own home and my kids will never experience that kind of pain.
If it wasn't for my family, however, I know I would be in a dark, solemn place right now. I would be very successful in my pursuit of my goals mainly due to my determination to make things work, and with nothing holding me back and left to my own devices I know I would accomplish many things. But the cost of that accomplishment is what would drive me crazy.
Unfortunately in my professional life I still border on the edge of insanity. Somedays I want to challenge myself and put all of my efforts into my goals, while other days I am content with my accomplishments and enjoy the time off. If only there was a productive way to do both.
