There are not many things in life that I wish I could have changed. No matter how bad I had it growing up sometimes I realize that those events needed to happen in the way it happened for me to be who I am now. You take away even one of them and who knows where I would be. I have however done a few things that looking back I feel sorry for.
I have always been a person that craves people liking him. I hate it when someone ignores me and I have absolutely no reason why. I also hate it when I know I did something to someone and apologized for it but they won't forgive me. It is just in my nature to be friends then make enemies. Hell, even most of the people I got in fights with growing up I was cool with them afterwards. I think one reason why is because I don't really hold grudges too long and I am not afraid to say that I was wrong.
One instance though continues to haunt me. I know it's trivial and many would think WHAT THE HELL, but seriously it does because I think it still effects the person today. And this goes a looooong way back to my Junior High days. I told you it was crazy!
In 8th grade I met a girl on the bus. She was a stunning Mexican-American girl in the 7th grade named Marisa Sarabia. I was taken by her immediately. I tried to talk with her a few times but quickly realized that she was the shy artist type. So I did what any red blooded, horny teenager would do. I wrote her a poem. My first ever.... Yes it was pretty bad. But when I gave it to her it broke the ice and shortly afterwards we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
I still remember the day when I got off at her stop (which was near my house but a mile down the road). She would not let me leave. She followed me half way to my house until I gave her a first kiss. I knew then that she was completely infatuated with the thought of us together and I knew she was something special. Unfortunately for me I was 13, cute and had friends who I thought I needed to be a playa around. So after awhile I broke it off with her. Honestly, I don't even remember how I did it, or what sparked the notion. All I remember is it happened.
Later in the year (a few girlfriends later) I started to realize how I really liked Marisa and how stupid I was before. So I asked her to be my girlfriend again and she accepted. We dated again for sometime but once school was over and the summer came by I broke it off once again. Why? Because I was stupid enough to think that I didn't want a girlfriend during the summer. *Hits self on head* "Idiot!!"
So the summer came and gone and I started my freshman year at High School. Unlike the year before when I saw her all the time in school, this time I only saw her at her bus stop in the afternoon. I got off around her bus stop one time and went to her house. I can't remember if I met her outdoors or if I actually knocked on her door but I do remember it started to rain and we were catching up outside. Suddenly the moment struck me and I got down on my knees and asked her out again. A THIRD TIME!!!! IN THE RAIN!!!! And for the third time she accepted. I felt like a romantic juggernaut at that point. And I left home feeling on top of the world. But not 30 minutes later my ego took control and I realized.... I'm in High School... she's still in Junior High... how is this gonna work. So I went up to my room, picked up the phone, and told her that I was not serious. OMG, who does that!!!! I guess I do. I mean I really did like her and I wanted nothing more than for her to be my girlfriend, but I was just too dumb to realize it then I guess. I could blame it on my dad for being a deadbeat and not teaching me anything, or my friends, but why.
It was pretty much over with after that. I hardly ever saw her the rest of the year and by the following year (when she made it to High School herself) she started dating another guy and didn't want anything to do with me. I still felt bad. I hated what I did to her and it hurt me double because I knew I was probably her first boyfriend and I messed with her head.
I know what you are thinking again. So what, she was what 12.. 13? She'll get over it. Well perhaps, but it doesn't stop there.
My junior year my family moved from Houston to Missouri. There I ended up finishing my last 2 years of school but I was tired of meeting new people. So I kept to myself a lot. My Senior year I had a crazy auto accident (one in which I should have died from) and I walked away without a scratch. Shortly after I started to miss Houston and wanted desperately to go back at any cost. In the middle of this obsession was... you guessed it... Marisa. I started writing her initials on my backpack just to see what it looked like. And soon enough I had the itch to talk to her again. Problem was I couldn't find her phone # anywhere. So, I got a hold of a person I knew at my old school to look in the school records for it (since my friend helped out in the office area) and I called her. Somehow, someway she actually talked to me again. Realizing phone calls were going to cost a fortune we began writing letters back and forth.
At first it started off friendly with normal talk but before long I started telling her that I missed her. And then my obsession took over completely when I said I was planning on going to college in Houston and we can see about picking things up again between us. I know right.. I mean how many times am I going to do this to her. I knew she liked the thought of it as well but this time she didn't get caught up in it all. She simply told me "We'll see what happens". Well, I couldn't wait to find a way back to her. A part of me wasn't sure if it was truly her or just the reason to go back to my home town. All I knew is I thought I was in love with her.
Until..... a week before graduation. I met another girl (the person that I am married to today). And suddenly my priorities changed. I wrote another letter to Marisa telling her I am not coming to Houston afterall. This time I actually felt bad for what I did to her. Here I was writing her over and over again that I wanted to be with her and giving her hopes up AGAIN and again I screw it all up.
Now, I can't complain one bit about how my life has turned out. I am 100% happy with my family... my place in life and where I am going. But it doesn't change how aweful I feel about what I did.
I tried to contact her a few times while in college and even was able to make it down to Texas twice to see her (she met my wife as well). But apparently the past just became too much and she stopped answering my phone calls. Once I got through with a different number she probably didn't recognize but quickly told me she couldn't talk. That was the last time I spoke with her (probably 6 years ago).
I often wonder why I have this need to contact her again. Is it to make myself feel better or perhaps my need to not have enemies. I don't know. Really, all I want to do is just make it right. Before I thought that meant showing her that I wanted to be with her. But now I realize I just needed to be a friend. Hopefully one day I'll get that chance again to be just that.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
10 Years From Now...
Where do I see myself 10 years from now? That is really a tough question to answer. I know where I'd LIKE to be but to honestly say where do I think I WILL be is more difficult than it looks.
If I was asked that same question 15 years ago I would absolutely have no clue. At that time I was a freshman in college studying to become an art major. That notion quickly left me as I realized I didn't want to spend 2-3 hours a day taking art classes when I could simply work on my art in my own time.
Ten years ago I was 6 months into my internet phase and probably would have stated a dot com guru. Someone that makes a fortune with an internet site and then is set for the rest of his life. But that never stayed with me either. I liked the ease of being at home but computers was just not expressive enough for me. I needed something much more than that.
Five years ago I would have said being a well paid actor. Because lets face it who hasn't thought about wanting to be on tv. I had my time in the spotlight and still consider this to be a valid option if the right opportunities present themselves. But actually, I grew tired of the day to day routine of the entertainment business. Now I love being on set, playing characters that I made up as a child, and to some degree being noticed for what I do, but I didn't care for the industry itself at times. Hollywood is a lot of "what have you done for me" kind of town.
So with all that in mind, I would like to say that I would be a well paid photographer in 10 years time. Even though I am already going on trips and taking photos I would eventually like to be fully paid to do that in the future.
I would also like to get a full on gallery of my work set up. Over the past few years I have put together a decent amount of my photographs and artwork to put my work up for display, but I have no real clue or direction on how to get from A to B. So in the mean time I just keep collecting what I have in hopes one day it will just hit me. Maybe I will run into a person that can show me the basics or maybe I'll just wake up and realize THAT is my next step in life. Either way, in 10 years, it would be interesting to reflect back on this blog and see how true it turns out to be.
If I was asked that same question 15 years ago I would absolutely have no clue. At that time I was a freshman in college studying to become an art major. That notion quickly left me as I realized I didn't want to spend 2-3 hours a day taking art classes when I could simply work on my art in my own time.
Ten years ago I was 6 months into my internet phase and probably would have stated a dot com guru. Someone that makes a fortune with an internet site and then is set for the rest of his life. But that never stayed with me either. I liked the ease of being at home but computers was just not expressive enough for me. I needed something much more than that.
Five years ago I would have said being a well paid actor. Because lets face it who hasn't thought about wanting to be on tv. I had my time in the spotlight and still consider this to be a valid option if the right opportunities present themselves. But actually, I grew tired of the day to day routine of the entertainment business. Now I love being on set, playing characters that I made up as a child, and to some degree being noticed for what I do, but I didn't care for the industry itself at times. Hollywood is a lot of "what have you done for me" kind of town.
So with all that in mind, I would like to say that I would be a well paid photographer in 10 years time. Even though I am already going on trips and taking photos I would eventually like to be fully paid to do that in the future.
I would also like to get a full on gallery of my work set up. Over the past few years I have put together a decent amount of my photographs and artwork to put my work up for display, but I have no real clue or direction on how to get from A to B. So in the mean time I just keep collecting what I have in hopes one day it will just hit me. Maybe I will run into a person that can show me the basics or maybe I'll just wake up and realize THAT is my next step in life. Either way, in 10 years, it would be interesting to reflect back on this blog and see how true it turns out to be.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Unfinished Business in France
Here I am contemplanting my 2012 trip. Yes I know it's early but in order to get the best prices for plane tickets you have to plan ahead. My options are narrowed down to 3: Australia and New Zealand as one; South America as two or back to Europe as the third.
After this year in China I will have officially touched down in 4 continents (North America of course, Europe, Africa and Asia). I say officially because technically I already hit Asia when I went to Istanbul in 2009. Istanbul if you don't already know (*history lesson about to start*) is the only city in the world that is split by two continents. Europe and Asia. But I don't like to count it because it was only for a few hours. It's like crossing the border of Utah and stepping on the ground just to say you've been there.
Anyhow, this leaves me with only 3 continents left (if you include Antarctica which hopefully I can visit sometime as well). Intially I am drawn to South America for several reasons. It's completely different than any other place I've been, the nice beach weather of Rio de Janeiro and the mystical features of the Mayan temple of Machu Picchu in Cuzco Peru. There is just something about visiting Machu Picchu in the same year that possibly the Mayans thought the world was going to end. I also want to see Buenos Aires and learn how to tango from the source.
Australia and New Zealand seems like a fun trip but it's missing the history for me. I think it may be better suited for when I am older and can appreciate the scenery better.
And Europe would consist of Lisbon Portugal, Barcelona Spain, Nice France (and the French Riviera), Prague Czech Republic, and possible Berlin Germany. Even though I have been to Europe 5 times already I have some unfinished business there.
Two years ago I took a trip. My plan was to spend 2 1/2 weeks traveling around Spain (Madrid, Seville, Toledo, Grenada, Barcelona) and finishing up in Southern France (Nice, Eze, Monte Carlo). The first few days were great. I got to see Madrid for the 2nd time and visit Toledo. But the day I was supposed to leave for Seville I had my camera stolen (my main and my backup). As a photographer you can understand that this was devastating to me. Without going into too much detail it was taken while I was eating at a restaurant. Funny thing is nobody claims they saw anyone around me who may have taken my bag.
I looked around for another camera but not only were they expensive as hell but the exchange rate from USD to Euros was pathetic. I decided just to cut my loses and shorten my trip. I contacted the airline (which took all day at the airport) and was able to reschedule my flight leaving back to home a week earlier. Only problem was it still left out of Nice France so I had to make my way there, otherwise I would have had to pay $1000 for another one way ticket. BS on that.
After another day in Madrid (due to missing my train) I decided to take a bus to Grenada. There I already had a flight set up to go to Barcelona so I skipped Seville completely and went that route. A few days there was beautiful and tortorous because I did not have a camera to capture it all, but I managed. After that I caught my original flight to Barcelona and had only a few hours to walk around before my evening flight to Nice France. I got a decent look at it and tried to soak in as much as I could. In Nice I was able to spend a whole day there in the city but didn't have enough time to check all the surrounding areas before my flight home.
So here I am roughly 16 months later and I really want to go back to Barcelona and Nice to complete that trip with pictures. So I am torn between going to Europe for the 6th time in 5 years or hitting another continent like South America. I think I am partial to Europe but I guess we'll have to wait and see.
After this year in China I will have officially touched down in 4 continents (North America of course, Europe, Africa and Asia). I say officially because technically I already hit Asia when I went to Istanbul in 2009. Istanbul if you don't already know (*history lesson about to start*) is the only city in the world that is split by two continents. Europe and Asia. But I don't like to count it because it was only for a few hours. It's like crossing the border of Utah and stepping on the ground just to say you've been there.
Anyhow, this leaves me with only 3 continents left (if you include Antarctica which hopefully I can visit sometime as well). Intially I am drawn to South America for several reasons. It's completely different than any other place I've been, the nice beach weather of Rio de Janeiro and the mystical features of the Mayan temple of Machu Picchu in Cuzco Peru. There is just something about visiting Machu Picchu in the same year that possibly the Mayans thought the world was going to end. I also want to see Buenos Aires and learn how to tango from the source.
Australia and New Zealand seems like a fun trip but it's missing the history for me. I think it may be better suited for when I am older and can appreciate the scenery better.
And Europe would consist of Lisbon Portugal, Barcelona Spain, Nice France (and the French Riviera), Prague Czech Republic, and possible Berlin Germany. Even though I have been to Europe 5 times already I have some unfinished business there.
Two years ago I took a trip. My plan was to spend 2 1/2 weeks traveling around Spain (Madrid, Seville, Toledo, Grenada, Barcelona) and finishing up in Southern France (Nice, Eze, Monte Carlo). The first few days were great. I got to see Madrid for the 2nd time and visit Toledo. But the day I was supposed to leave for Seville I had my camera stolen (my main and my backup). As a photographer you can understand that this was devastating to me. Without going into too much detail it was taken while I was eating at a restaurant. Funny thing is nobody claims they saw anyone around me who may have taken my bag.
I looked around for another camera but not only were they expensive as hell but the exchange rate from USD to Euros was pathetic. I decided just to cut my loses and shorten my trip. I contacted the airline (which took all day at the airport) and was able to reschedule my flight leaving back to home a week earlier. Only problem was it still left out of Nice France so I had to make my way there, otherwise I would have had to pay $1000 for another one way ticket. BS on that.
After another day in Madrid (due to missing my train) I decided to take a bus to Grenada. There I already had a flight set up to go to Barcelona so I skipped Seville completely and went that route. A few days there was beautiful and tortorous because I did not have a camera to capture it all, but I managed. After that I caught my original flight to Barcelona and had only a few hours to walk around before my evening flight to Nice France. I got a decent look at it and tried to soak in as much as I could. In Nice I was able to spend a whole day there in the city but didn't have enough time to check all the surrounding areas before my flight home.
So here I am roughly 16 months later and I really want to go back to Barcelona and Nice to complete that trip with pictures. So I am torn between going to Europe for the 6th time in 5 years or hitting another continent like South America. I think I am partial to Europe but I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
"A Life Lost"
Today I've been in a solemn mood. Usually when this happens I like to explore it with my writing. Below is a poem I wrote just a few moments ago dealing with the eventual loss of a loved one.
Eternal Slumber
The pain runs too deep inside as I try to hide my emotions from you. If only you knew the scars of my soul then perhaps you wouldn’t be so bold; leaving me out in the cold. My heart is frozen in time as I try to unwind this sickening feeling that has me twisted and reeling around. Alas you are nowhere to be found.
Countless nights I’ve spent trying to muster up the courage to see you once more. My hand is on the door ready to take on the day that has forever left me astray. I can’t explain the reasons away but only hope that you’re not gone to stay.
I keep hoping that you will continue to fight for our love that has suddenly lost its sight. Holding on a little longer as we prove to each other that we are stronger than what others have perceived us to be. It hurts every second you ignore my cries wishing you would get up and realize what you are doing to me. For without you I can never be free.
No matter how long it takes for your love to return I will wait for you. Slowly going insane as my life withers away. If it takes a thousand years for you to reappear into my life then I’ll be here. Waiting patiently by your bedside hoping you will open your eyes one more time.
Apple Truly Doesn't Fall Far...
So my daughter wants to be an actor... just like her dad. I figured this day would come eventually.
When she was 5 I got her first headshots done. Shortly after that my manager sent her out on a few auditions and she landed a print ad right away. She had so much fun on that shoot as it was at the beach. She was spoiled all day long with whatever she wanted. There were two people there waiting on her every need and she had all the food she could want. Best part was she was paid a nice amount for it... at 5 years old can you believe it? Funny part was so many people thaught she was Dakota Fanning (or maybe her younger sister) because she looked so similar to her in person.
She got some more auditions for HBO and for the Pirates of the Caribbean 2 movie but didn't land either one. After awhile I started noticing that she was more interested in going out to eat or to the store after the audition then the actual audition itself. So I gave her a break. I figured she now has a taste of it and if she wanted to later she could pick it up again. But even though I wasn't submitting her out for roles I did cast her twice in two of my films I directed. She had a speaking line in each and had a fun time with it.
Fast forward to 2010 at age 12. She is watching the Disney channel and suddenly she starts to ask questions about the acting world. I think she is getting star struck with the characters on tv and remembers doing some of the same things years before. I ask her if she would be interested in auditioning again and she quickly replies yes. So I talked with the director of a film I was doing and she was able to walk on for a day and have a small role in it. She did such a good job of paying attention but I noticed she really wasn't into it that much. I think it was because she didn't have a scripted speaking line and she was there for several hours. I told her sometimes you have days like that and suddenly I saw the sparkle leave her eyes.
I thought I was done with that conversation until just two days ago. I enrolled my son in baseball for the Spring and he had his first tryout last Saturday. Jealous that he was doing something he wanted to do she asked if she could do something as well, so I gave her a booklet that showed different activities in our area and told her to find what she wanted. Within moments she comes back with, "How about this acting class for film and television?" Yup, I knew it was in her blood again.
So today, I took her to her first class. It wasn't that elaborate because it was mainly for 7-13 year olds learning the basics but I figured it was just what she needed to see if she wanted to continue this for the future. Actually some kids were so hyper-active that I thought maybe it was for kids with ADD. I could invision their parents dropping them off for 1 1/2 hours there so they could have a break. But right before class started a few kids her age started showing up and I began to feel better, and after the first 20 minutes I felt sold on the class myself. I figured even if she didn't want to continue acting at least she will be able to losen up a bit and learn to be a bit more open-minded. (Not to get off the subject but a few months ago my daughter called her brother "open-minded" because she thought it meant stupid. I thought that was funny).
Anyhow, after class I asked her what she thought and you could just see the elation on her face that she was coming back next week. So I took out my credit card and paid for her 2 month class.
I am actually excited for her. I don't want to predict how the future will go but I think this is an area that she can excel in if she lets it. I don't even care if she gets any paid jobs right now... only that she is able to experience this for herself. Best of all is this was something SHE chose. I never understood the parents that FORCE their kids to act. I mean why take the fun out of it?
I can see my artistic vision in her brain already. She loves drawing and does very good at it. She also has been learning photography and she got a calligraphy set for Christmas. Now acting. I'm already proud of her... but I'm also proud of myself for knowing I have taught her well.
When she was 5 I got her first headshots done. Shortly after that my manager sent her out on a few auditions and she landed a print ad right away. She had so much fun on that shoot as it was at the beach. She was spoiled all day long with whatever she wanted. There were two people there waiting on her every need and she had all the food she could want. Best part was she was paid a nice amount for it... at 5 years old can you believe it? Funny part was so many people thaught she was Dakota Fanning (or maybe her younger sister) because she looked so similar to her in person.
She got some more auditions for HBO and for the Pirates of the Caribbean 2 movie but didn't land either one. After awhile I started noticing that she was more interested in going out to eat or to the store after the audition then the actual audition itself. So I gave her a break. I figured she now has a taste of it and if she wanted to later she could pick it up again. But even though I wasn't submitting her out for roles I did cast her twice in two of my films I directed. She had a speaking line in each and had a fun time with it.
Fast forward to 2010 at age 12. She is watching the Disney channel and suddenly she starts to ask questions about the acting world. I think she is getting star struck with the characters on tv and remembers doing some of the same things years before. I ask her if she would be interested in auditioning again and she quickly replies yes. So I talked with the director of a film I was doing and she was able to walk on for a day and have a small role in it. She did such a good job of paying attention but I noticed she really wasn't into it that much. I think it was because she didn't have a scripted speaking line and she was there for several hours. I told her sometimes you have days like that and suddenly I saw the sparkle leave her eyes.
I thought I was done with that conversation until just two days ago. I enrolled my son in baseball for the Spring and he had his first tryout last Saturday. Jealous that he was doing something he wanted to do she asked if she could do something as well, so I gave her a booklet that showed different activities in our area and told her to find what she wanted. Within moments she comes back with, "How about this acting class for film and television?" Yup, I knew it was in her blood again.
So today, I took her to her first class. It wasn't that elaborate because it was mainly for 7-13 year olds learning the basics but I figured it was just what she needed to see if she wanted to continue this for the future. Actually some kids were so hyper-active that I thought maybe it was for kids with ADD. I could invision their parents dropping them off for 1 1/2 hours there so they could have a break. But right before class started a few kids her age started showing up and I began to feel better, and after the first 20 minutes I felt sold on the class myself. I figured even if she didn't want to continue acting at least she will be able to losen up a bit and learn to be a bit more open-minded. (Not to get off the subject but a few months ago my daughter called her brother "open-minded" because she thought it meant stupid. I thought that was funny).
Anyhow, after class I asked her what she thought and you could just see the elation on her face that she was coming back next week. So I took out my credit card and paid for her 2 month class.
I am actually excited for her. I don't want to predict how the future will go but I think this is an area that she can excel in if she lets it. I don't even care if she gets any paid jobs right now... only that she is able to experience this for herself. Best of all is this was something SHE chose. I never understood the parents that FORCE their kids to act. I mean why take the fun out of it?
I can see my artistic vision in her brain already. She loves drawing and does very good at it. She also has been learning photography and she got a calligraphy set for Christmas. Now acting. I'm already proud of her... but I'm also proud of myself for knowing I have taught her well.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
My Best Friend is... ME
Life in LA is a trip in itself. It's muti-cultural, obsessive, demented, lonely, brilliant, snobby, two-faced, inspiring, intrusive and educational all rolled into one.
I have lived here for almost 8 years now and I have yet to meet one person that I can call a true friend and just hang out with. Most of that is of course a fault of my own, but I never had to work hard to meet people in the midwest.
I grew up in Houston, Texas (which is like a miniature version of LA). I always had a knack for meeting people and got along with just about anyone. No matter what problems I had at home I knew I had friends I could count on when I needed to get away. But in 9th grade my dad lost his job and we moved out of state to a small town of Aurora, Missouri. Town of only 7,000+. I tried to keep to myself as much as possible because frankly I was tired of meeting new people all the time and then leaving. (Keep in mind I went to 6 different schools in a 7 year period). Even then I still managed to make some friends in the time spent there.
Of course in Aurora there really wasn't much to do. You go over people's houses and play board games or maybe on a Friday night you hit the cowboy bar around the corner. Either way it just wasn't a scene I wanted to be a part of for the rest of my life. I was dying to find a way back to normal city life.
In 2003 I made my way to Los Angeles and have enjoyed it here ever since. But the one thing that has always been lacking is the best friend scenario. Don't get me wrong, I have met quite a few people who know me and I can talk with every now and then... but not one of them I would consider a Best Friend.
I realized real quick that people in LA are so busy that they actually do not have time to even think about others. Many only think about what others THINK ABOUT THEM. Maybe it's the midwestern values instilled in me but I have always been the type of person that will be there when he says he will and not find some kind of excuse to back out at the last minute. And if it's something I am not thrilled about I will be upfront about it. Yet time and time again I run into people (many I originally thought could be a good friend) and then shortly find out they were only talking to me because they wanted something from me. And even though my personality is strong enough to overcome that, it still gets me everytime I see it happen.
Another problem I have is that I am a "closet girlfriend". For those looking that term up... don't... I made that up a year ago. It means that I have more fun hanging out with girls then I do with guys. Don't get me wrong I love watching sports and having a drink at a party when I can, but being around other guys talking about bass fishing and such has never appealed to me. I guess it's because of my witty nature that I feel more comfortable with girls. Most guys I come across are either too egotistical or just want to talk your ear off about the football game the other night, and ALMOST ALL of them swear by college sports which I can't stand. I'll watch any professional Football, Basketball or Baseball game but college is WAY to amature for me.
With girls I find that my humor is more receptive and understood as well as the fact that I can be goofy and myself and not worry about feeling like an idiot.
I guess I am just destined to be without a Best Friend for my life. It sucks because sometimes I really wish I had someone to just phone up and say "Hey, lets play some basketball". But apparently it's not in the cards for me.
I have lived here for almost 8 years now and I have yet to meet one person that I can call a true friend and just hang out with. Most of that is of course a fault of my own, but I never had to work hard to meet people in the midwest.
I grew up in Houston, Texas (which is like a miniature version of LA). I always had a knack for meeting people and got along with just about anyone. No matter what problems I had at home I knew I had friends I could count on when I needed to get away. But in 9th grade my dad lost his job and we moved out of state to a small town of Aurora, Missouri. Town of only 7,000+. I tried to keep to myself as much as possible because frankly I was tired of meeting new people all the time and then leaving. (Keep in mind I went to 6 different schools in a 7 year period). Even then I still managed to make some friends in the time spent there.
Of course in Aurora there really wasn't much to do. You go over people's houses and play board games or maybe on a Friday night you hit the cowboy bar around the corner. Either way it just wasn't a scene I wanted to be a part of for the rest of my life. I was dying to find a way back to normal city life.
In 2003 I made my way to Los Angeles and have enjoyed it here ever since. But the one thing that has always been lacking is the best friend scenario. Don't get me wrong, I have met quite a few people who know me and I can talk with every now and then... but not one of them I would consider a Best Friend.
I realized real quick that people in LA are so busy that they actually do not have time to even think about others. Many only think about what others THINK ABOUT THEM. Maybe it's the midwestern values instilled in me but I have always been the type of person that will be there when he says he will and not find some kind of excuse to back out at the last minute. And if it's something I am not thrilled about I will be upfront about it. Yet time and time again I run into people (many I originally thought could be a good friend) and then shortly find out they were only talking to me because they wanted something from me. And even though my personality is strong enough to overcome that, it still gets me everytime I see it happen.
Another problem I have is that I am a "closet girlfriend". For those looking that term up... don't... I made that up a year ago. It means that I have more fun hanging out with girls then I do with guys. Don't get me wrong I love watching sports and having a drink at a party when I can, but being around other guys talking about bass fishing and such has never appealed to me. I guess it's because of my witty nature that I feel more comfortable with girls. Most guys I come across are either too egotistical or just want to talk your ear off about the football game the other night, and ALMOST ALL of them swear by college sports which I can't stand. I'll watch any professional Football, Basketball or Baseball game but college is WAY to amature for me.
With girls I find that my humor is more receptive and understood as well as the fact that I can be goofy and myself and not worry about feeling like an idiot.
I guess I am just destined to be without a Best Friend for my life. It sucks because sometimes I really wish I had someone to just phone up and say "Hey, lets play some basketball". But apparently it's not in the cards for me.
Monday, January 24, 2011
American Greed!
Once upon a time there was a land where there was no currency. In order to survive people had to rely on one another for food, clothing, shelter and everything else essential to live. Trading one trade for another was common place and each person was responsible for the next.
Fast forward to today's world. Money, greed, power all goes hand and hand. No matter where you look there is always somebody trying to make a dollar off of people that need it the most. The worst part of it all is the world is immune to this way of life. As long as it isn't them that is getting scammed then they could care less.
Why is the world so obsessed with the newest car, gadgets and lifestyles I will never understand. Now I admit, I went through my car phase in my early 20s. I purchased a brand new car every few months and some really nice hotrods during that time. I even miss driving them. But then I look at my paid off Nissan Sentra in my parking space and I realize how great it feels to not have to worry about making another car payment on that ride anymore. Actually, for over a year now I have put away an additional $200 a month into my money market account. Why? Because all I have to do to keep me from the car dealership is look at how much money I have put away in 6 months... a year... two years just by not going after a purchase that is completely unnecessary in my life. Sure I can afford it... but why. Isn't that why so many Americans are in financial crisis in the first place, because they stretch their paycheck to the max and in most cases live ABOVE their means?
Think about it. A family could bring home around $3000 a month, have a decent apartment with 2 cars and have enough money to put away for the future. Suddenly one of them gets a new job and now they are up to $6000 a month. What do they do... they buy a new car, move to a bigger place, start going out to eat several times a week and maybe pick up golf or do more shopping on clothing. In the end they make twice as much but still are not able to put any more money away.
What if they get $10,000 a month? Well they buy a boat for recreational purposes, buy expensive jewelry for each other to flash around, buy a 3rd and 4th vehicle for pleasure driving and hire a maid to clean their house. Now you are so used to that lifestyle that anything less will be considered remedial and a huge step back.
The world today is full of people that can't seem to look past the following week. They feel just because they have it easy now that it will always be that way. Unfortunately many find out the hard way that is not true.
I am very happy with my life. One- because we have everything we ever need around us to live comfortably. Two- because I make sure that at the end of the month I put whatever we made extra away. And Three- because I know no matter what happens in the future I am financially secure enough to get through some hard times that may come our way. All it took was discipline to feel just as good putting money away as I did buying something I didn't need.
Now I am not stating that EVERYONE should do as I did because not everyone is in my same position. But I did start from scratch when I was 18 years old and everything I have now I built slowly and smartly. I was not given a trust fund, or the keys to a home I didn't earn or win the lottery. I used what I had to make it work. And that notion has never left me.
I always felt that as long as I am not greedy, as long as I take the extra time to plan before buying and as long as I have patience enough to get through the temptations of all the world has to offer that I will be able to face anything that comes my way. After all, the best thing we can really ask for in life is that our basic needs are met to insure our survival. If we have that then truthfully what else in life do we REALLY need anyway.
I know the world will never go back to the idea of trading your trade. But I like to think that I can make a difference by doing that myself. I have several areas in my life that I have learned to do well, and I am always more than happy to trade my services for what others can offer. Because humanity is really all we have. If we lose that then what good are we really?
Fast forward to today's world. Money, greed, power all goes hand and hand. No matter where you look there is always somebody trying to make a dollar off of people that need it the most. The worst part of it all is the world is immune to this way of life. As long as it isn't them that is getting scammed then they could care less.
Why is the world so obsessed with the newest car, gadgets and lifestyles I will never understand. Now I admit, I went through my car phase in my early 20s. I purchased a brand new car every few months and some really nice hotrods during that time. I even miss driving them. But then I look at my paid off Nissan Sentra in my parking space and I realize how great it feels to not have to worry about making another car payment on that ride anymore. Actually, for over a year now I have put away an additional $200 a month into my money market account. Why? Because all I have to do to keep me from the car dealership is look at how much money I have put away in 6 months... a year... two years just by not going after a purchase that is completely unnecessary in my life. Sure I can afford it... but why. Isn't that why so many Americans are in financial crisis in the first place, because they stretch their paycheck to the max and in most cases live ABOVE their means?
Think about it. A family could bring home around $3000 a month, have a decent apartment with 2 cars and have enough money to put away for the future. Suddenly one of them gets a new job and now they are up to $6000 a month. What do they do... they buy a new car, move to a bigger place, start going out to eat several times a week and maybe pick up golf or do more shopping on clothing. In the end they make twice as much but still are not able to put any more money away.
What if they get $10,000 a month? Well they buy a boat for recreational purposes, buy expensive jewelry for each other to flash around, buy a 3rd and 4th vehicle for pleasure driving and hire a maid to clean their house. Now you are so used to that lifestyle that anything less will be considered remedial and a huge step back.
The world today is full of people that can't seem to look past the following week. They feel just because they have it easy now that it will always be that way. Unfortunately many find out the hard way that is not true.
I am very happy with my life. One- because we have everything we ever need around us to live comfortably. Two- because I make sure that at the end of the month I put whatever we made extra away. And Three- because I know no matter what happens in the future I am financially secure enough to get through some hard times that may come our way. All it took was discipline to feel just as good putting money away as I did buying something I didn't need.
Now I am not stating that EVERYONE should do as I did because not everyone is in my same position. But I did start from scratch when I was 18 years old and everything I have now I built slowly and smartly. I was not given a trust fund, or the keys to a home I didn't earn or win the lottery. I used what I had to make it work. And that notion has never left me.
I always felt that as long as I am not greedy, as long as I take the extra time to plan before buying and as long as I have patience enough to get through the temptations of all the world has to offer that I will be able to face anything that comes my way. After all, the best thing we can really ask for in life is that our basic needs are met to insure our survival. If we have that then truthfully what else in life do we REALLY need anyway.
I know the world will never go back to the idea of trading your trade. But I like to think that I can make a difference by doing that myself. I have several areas in my life that I have learned to do well, and I am always more than happy to trade my services for what others can offer. Because humanity is really all we have. If we lose that then what good are we really?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"When did you get married.... 12?"
Today during a photo shoot I was reminded once again from the client of how young I look. Over the phone she thought I was in my 40s at least (based on my voice) then she is surprised to see me in person. As we talked she realized I had a 12 year old daughter and asked the million dollar question "How old am I?"
I find it extremely funny and yet still flattering when people think I am at least 10 years younger than I look. But no matter how many times I hear it, it still catches me off guard.
What really freaks them out is when I tell them I've been married for almost 15 years. Their first reaction is... "How old were you.... 12?" Sometimes I reply with... "Actually we were 9. We met at the playgound, she asked if she could finish off my peanuts... I thought she said something else... we had a good laugh... Then I put a cheerio on her finger and BAM!!!! We're married."
Now I do admit being 19 and married was young. At the time I didn't think so... of course at the time I thought I was invincible too. Now my daughter is only 5 years away from my wife's age when she got married and I'm thinking... "Oh hell no... that ain't happening" Matter of fact... I got a wife beater shirt and a baseball bat by the front door just waiting for her first boyfriend to come knock'n.
Funny thing is... there is no way I would change a thing. Even though I was 19 I still had a year and a half of college finished. I had my party time my freshman year and soon realized that I didn't need that my whole life. And since my dad was such a screw up, I couldn't wait to show myself I could be a better father than he could ever dream of. Not to mention with all of the moving around I did I had to grow up fast.
I still remember telling my wife when we were first together that I would show her the world and give her anything she ever needed in life. A few years ago she told me she still remembers me saying that to her and thought at the time "Yeah right..." But true to my word she was surprised I followed through on that promise.
So 15 years later and I couldn't have wished for a better marriage or a more perfect person to share my life with. And yet we both look like we are in our early 20s still. It will be interesting another 8 more years from now. Our kids will be out of highschool and we will have the rest of our lives to go around the world... maybe living in France for awhile who knows. When many people are just starting their families we will have already done and did all of that. And most likely nobody will believe us. But that will be just fine with me. I may be 33 and look 23 at times.... but I still feel like a kid inside.
I find it extremely funny and yet still flattering when people think I am at least 10 years younger than I look. But no matter how many times I hear it, it still catches me off guard.
What really freaks them out is when I tell them I've been married for almost 15 years. Their first reaction is... "How old were you.... 12?" Sometimes I reply with... "Actually we were 9. We met at the playgound, she asked if she could finish off my peanuts... I thought she said something else... we had a good laugh... Then I put a cheerio on her finger and BAM!!!! We're married."
Now I do admit being 19 and married was young. At the time I didn't think so... of course at the time I thought I was invincible too. Now my daughter is only 5 years away from my wife's age when she got married and I'm thinking... "Oh hell no... that ain't happening" Matter of fact... I got a wife beater shirt and a baseball bat by the front door just waiting for her first boyfriend to come knock'n.
Funny thing is... there is no way I would change a thing. Even though I was 19 I still had a year and a half of college finished. I had my party time my freshman year and soon realized that I didn't need that my whole life. And since my dad was such a screw up, I couldn't wait to show myself I could be a better father than he could ever dream of. Not to mention with all of the moving around I did I had to grow up fast.
I still remember telling my wife when we were first together that I would show her the world and give her anything she ever needed in life. A few years ago she told me she still remembers me saying that to her and thought at the time "Yeah right..." But true to my word she was surprised I followed through on that promise.
So 15 years later and I couldn't have wished for a better marriage or a more perfect person to share my life with. And yet we both look like we are in our early 20s still. It will be interesting another 8 more years from now. Our kids will be out of highschool and we will have the rest of our lives to go around the world... maybe living in France for awhile who knows. When many people are just starting their families we will have already done and did all of that. And most likely nobody will believe us. But that will be just fine with me. I may be 33 and look 23 at times.... but I still feel like a kid inside.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Through A Backwards Perspective
It amazes me that so many people just follow the person in front of them without giving a second thought. I grew up with the notion to question everything and not be satisfied with the first answer that came along. Maybe people find it easier to let someone else make the choices for them so they don't feel responsible. Perhaps it is just instilled in their heads at birth. Either way I can't bring myself to follow something that I have no clue where it is taking me. That's why I believe that there is no one set path for people. Everyone needs to find their own inner beliefs on how to survive in this world. We can't waste our time trying to convince others on how to do it because one persons way is not right for everyone else. Yet society likes to trick people into thinking that everyone is the same. That is far from the truth.
School systems and colleges spend way too much time trying to uniform their students into one category, and spend little to no time trying to find out what really works BEST for each person individually. I spent 4 years in college and studied everything from art history to elementary education. From accounting to computer science and psychology. I even took a bowling and a golf class. Not for a piece of paper but for a peace of mind. I wanted to be self sufficient in my life and have the knowledge to go after whatever it was that I wanted to. And if I felt like changing my career choice down the road I could do so without feeling the need of going back to school for a diploma.
It has served me very well as I have run my own business, took care of my families needs and been flexible to adapt to changes in life. This bad economy included. While many are finding it hard to go back to school to learn a trade, I have been fortunate to have the mindset to take chances and make a living doing what I love to do. Best of all, I didn't have to leave my family in the dust to do it.
School systems and colleges spend way too much time trying to uniform their students into one category, and spend little to no time trying to find out what really works BEST for each person individually. I spent 4 years in college and studied everything from art history to elementary education. From accounting to computer science and psychology. I even took a bowling and a golf class. Not for a piece of paper but for a peace of mind. I wanted to be self sufficient in my life and have the knowledge to go after whatever it was that I wanted to. And if I felt like changing my career choice down the road I could do so without feeling the need of going back to school for a diploma.
It has served me very well as I have run my own business, took care of my families needs and been flexible to adapt to changes in life. This bad economy included. While many are finding it hard to go back to school to learn a trade, I have been fortunate to have the mindset to take chances and make a living doing what I love to do. Best of all, I didn't have to leave my family in the dust to do it.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Rewards of Being a Dad
My two kids are the single most important thing in my life. They are what keeps me grounded and focused at the same time.
For over 10 years now I've been lucky enough to be a work-from-home dad and watch their personalities grow to the young minds they are today. Through all my accomplishments and travels THAT is what I am most proud of.
When our daughter was born I had quite a load on my shoulders. Between going to college full time and interning at the local news station to working 2 jobs- I was literally running around trying to find my head. But when my little girl was born all I can remember is walking her whiskly down the hospital hallway and just staring at her big blue crusty eyes. The nurses actually had to track me down because before I knew it I was almost out the door with her. I was just so tranced that I didn't know what I was doing nor did I care.
Unfortunately work and school called and I had to get back to my old routine. I remember being away from home so often that I often wondered if my daughter would recognize me when I got back home that night.
When my son was born I was in a better state, but it wasn't without struggle. A few months before birth my wife was let go from her job. They claimed she did an error but I knew it was because she was 6 months along and they didn't want to pay maternity leave. We fought it and nothing. So I went to work for 2 jobs again, while still going to school. But a few weeks before the due date I hit a revelation and my idea for my ebay business shot in my head. Soon enough I was rolling and that first month I made more money than I did at both jobs I worked at. I soon quit and have been at home ever since.
It was a real treat to be able to take care of our son the way my wife took care of our daughter. I changed the diapers, made his bottle, played around as much as I could and watched them grow up before my eyes.
Now here I am... still at home... still watching them grow, and all I can see is my influence that I have left on them over the years. Many good, some not so much but workable. I see the same interests in my daughters eyes that I had growing up and it makes me proud that she looks up to me. 12 years old and she is still daddy's little girl. I know one day it may stop being that way, but I have patience enough that it won't last long.
When I was growing up I had everything I ever wanted physically, but mentally not so much. I learned early on that life is not about material things, how much you earn or how successful in business you are. It's about living; it's about loving; and it's about learning. And lastly.... it's about instinct. As a parent you may not know everything you are supposed to do... I knew nothing about kids when my daughter was born. I've never even held a baby before, but I knew that all I needed to do was be patient and go off what my kids give me.
There is no set formula for child raising. It's all about just being there while being the best person and role model you can be. The rest will happen all on its own.
For over 10 years now I've been lucky enough to be a work-from-home dad and watch their personalities grow to the young minds they are today. Through all my accomplishments and travels THAT is what I am most proud of.
When our daughter was born I had quite a load on my shoulders. Between going to college full time and interning at the local news station to working 2 jobs- I was literally running around trying to find my head. But when my little girl was born all I can remember is walking her whiskly down the hospital hallway and just staring at her big blue crusty eyes. The nurses actually had to track me down because before I knew it I was almost out the door with her. I was just so tranced that I didn't know what I was doing nor did I care.
Unfortunately work and school called and I had to get back to my old routine. I remember being away from home so often that I often wondered if my daughter would recognize me when I got back home that night.
When my son was born I was in a better state, but it wasn't without struggle. A few months before birth my wife was let go from her job. They claimed she did an error but I knew it was because she was 6 months along and they didn't want to pay maternity leave. We fought it and nothing. So I went to work for 2 jobs again, while still going to school. But a few weeks before the due date I hit a revelation and my idea for my ebay business shot in my head. Soon enough I was rolling and that first month I made more money than I did at both jobs I worked at. I soon quit and have been at home ever since.
It was a real treat to be able to take care of our son the way my wife took care of our daughter. I changed the diapers, made his bottle, played around as much as I could and watched them grow up before my eyes.
Now here I am... still at home... still watching them grow, and all I can see is my influence that I have left on them over the years. Many good, some not so much but workable. I see the same interests in my daughters eyes that I had growing up and it makes me proud that she looks up to me. 12 years old and she is still daddy's little girl. I know one day it may stop being that way, but I have patience enough that it won't last long.
When I was growing up I had everything I ever wanted physically, but mentally not so much. I learned early on that life is not about material things, how much you earn or how successful in business you are. It's about living; it's about loving; and it's about learning. And lastly.... it's about instinct. As a parent you may not know everything you are supposed to do... I knew nothing about kids when my daughter was born. I've never even held a baby before, but I knew that all I needed to do was be patient and go off what my kids give me.
There is no set formula for child raising. It's all about just being there while being the best person and role model you can be. The rest will happen all on its own.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
"Around the World in 80 Months"... My 7 Continent Journey Plan
As I have traveled around the past few years I have come to respect how different and unique the world really is. Too many times I feel we take life for granted (especially us American's). We get lost in our daily routines of work, movies, restaurants and television that we quickly forget about how the world is for everyone else.
Over the past four years I have traveled all over Europe including a trip to Egypt. And the most common question I am asked is.... which place did I like the best. I usually say Venice, Italy but truthfully I can't give just one answer. Each place has a uniquness all its own that makes it worth seeing.
For instance... the best place to see ancient ruins of past civilizations would have to be Rome. The forum around the Colosseum stretches for about one square mile and blocks out the modern age buildings. You can literally stand in the middle of the Roman Forum and feel like you are instantly back in time some two thousand years. And the sheer mass of the structures themselves will simply blow your mind. A distant second would be Athens, Greece. There are some fantastic ruins to be held but nothing on the scale of Rome.
For archetecture Madrid was simply gorgeous. The whole city seems to be so beautifully constructed that it's hard to pick and choose which buildings to photograph. By the end of the day you will end up with so many pictures of just buildings that you will have a hard time narrowing down which you like best.
For people I would have to go with Salzburg, Austria. The town is small and perfectly compact to walk around in one day, but the people that live there are some of the nicest individuals I have met. Everyone seems so polite and the town itself welcomes any newcomer that graces it's land. From ordering at a restaurant to playing a life size game of chess on the streets I would highly recommend this town on anyone's itinerary. It also so happens to be the birthplace of Mozart.
For complete romance nothing holds a candle to Venice. The streets are small, winding, safe and peaceful and the views of the canals are simply breath taking. The atmosphere is so relaxing that you will never want to leave. No amount of time spent in Venice is ever enough. Days could be spent by simply sitting down at the docks watching the waves of the gondolas hit beneath your feet.
The place I would most like to live (outside of LA) would be Nice, France. The weather was perfect, the French Riviera was right there, the food was great, the people were friendly and the place was just awesome.
For night life it is hands down Dublin, Ireland. The Temple Bar area located near the city center stays open all hours of the night it seems with it being more crowded at 2 in the morning than at 10 at night. It's a constant party with live bands on the streets and friendly people in the bars singing old Irish tunes.
Picking the place with the best food is a tricky one because everyone has different tastes, so I will have to break this down a bit. You can't go to London without getting at least one order of fish and chips. Athens has some fantastic Greek food that will keep you coming back every night. Rome had the best seafood platter I have ever seen with mussels, clams, shrimp, oysters, crab and lobster meat all on one plate. And for those pastry lovers you can't miss Spain. Whether you go to Toledo, Segovia, Madrid or Granada you will have your pick of some of the best pastries you have ever tasted.
For ancient history.. besides Rome.. it is the whole country of Egypt. Each city seems to have it's own unique background. Cairo is the capital, Giza has the pyramids, Alexandria is off the coast, Luxor is the Valley of the Kings and Aswan is the nubian culture. Also a day trip away from Aswan you can visit the colossal ruins of Abu Simbel. A truly magnificent structure dedicated to Ramses II.
For art lovers Florence is the place to be. From the stunning views of the city at sunset to the statue of David this place seems to have what it takes to inspire anyone.
For mysticism Stonehenge is a good place to start. It's a very simple structure from afar but up close you feel this electricity that seduces you to its origins.
And lastly for beauty Scotland has my vote. Just outside of Edinburgh you will be amazed at the rolling hills and green grass surrounding you on all sides. The hills in Ireland are a very close second.
There are many more places that are simply can't miss. Paris at night time, Amsterdam hash bars, Irish pubs (mentioned before), the beautiful Bavarian Alps in Germany, the islands of Greece (outside of Athens), and the warm calming sands of Cancun, Mexico. Perhaps at the end of this year I will add the Great Wall of China to this list... September can't come soon enough. In the next few years I hope to add New Zealand, Australia and South America to my list as well. Who knows... maybe Antarctica will be my final stop to complete the 7 continents journey.
If you haven't had a chance or the means to visit at least one of these places as of yet... my suggestion is find a way and a time to do so. It will literally change your perspective on life.
Over the past four years I have traveled all over Europe including a trip to Egypt. And the most common question I am asked is.... which place did I like the best. I usually say Venice, Italy but truthfully I can't give just one answer. Each place has a uniquness all its own that makes it worth seeing.
For instance... the best place to see ancient ruins of past civilizations would have to be Rome. The forum around the Colosseum stretches for about one square mile and blocks out the modern age buildings. You can literally stand in the middle of the Roman Forum and feel like you are instantly back in time some two thousand years. And the sheer mass of the structures themselves will simply blow your mind. A distant second would be Athens, Greece. There are some fantastic ruins to be held but nothing on the scale of Rome.
For archetecture Madrid was simply gorgeous. The whole city seems to be so beautifully constructed that it's hard to pick and choose which buildings to photograph. By the end of the day you will end up with so many pictures of just buildings that you will have a hard time narrowing down which you like best.
For people I would have to go with Salzburg, Austria. The town is small and perfectly compact to walk around in one day, but the people that live there are some of the nicest individuals I have met. Everyone seems so polite and the town itself welcomes any newcomer that graces it's land. From ordering at a restaurant to playing a life size game of chess on the streets I would highly recommend this town on anyone's itinerary. It also so happens to be the birthplace of Mozart.
For complete romance nothing holds a candle to Venice. The streets are small, winding, safe and peaceful and the views of the canals are simply breath taking. The atmosphere is so relaxing that you will never want to leave. No amount of time spent in Venice is ever enough. Days could be spent by simply sitting down at the docks watching the waves of the gondolas hit beneath your feet.
The place I would most like to live (outside of LA) would be Nice, France. The weather was perfect, the French Riviera was right there, the food was great, the people were friendly and the place was just awesome.
For night life it is hands down Dublin, Ireland. The Temple Bar area located near the city center stays open all hours of the night it seems with it being more crowded at 2 in the morning than at 10 at night. It's a constant party with live bands on the streets and friendly people in the bars singing old Irish tunes.
Picking the place with the best food is a tricky one because everyone has different tastes, so I will have to break this down a bit. You can't go to London without getting at least one order of fish and chips. Athens has some fantastic Greek food that will keep you coming back every night. Rome had the best seafood platter I have ever seen with mussels, clams, shrimp, oysters, crab and lobster meat all on one plate. And for those pastry lovers you can't miss Spain. Whether you go to Toledo, Segovia, Madrid or Granada you will have your pick of some of the best pastries you have ever tasted.
For ancient history.. besides Rome.. it is the whole country of Egypt. Each city seems to have it's own unique background. Cairo is the capital, Giza has the pyramids, Alexandria is off the coast, Luxor is the Valley of the Kings and Aswan is the nubian culture. Also a day trip away from Aswan you can visit the colossal ruins of Abu Simbel. A truly magnificent structure dedicated to Ramses II.
For art lovers Florence is the place to be. From the stunning views of the city at sunset to the statue of David this place seems to have what it takes to inspire anyone.
For mysticism Stonehenge is a good place to start. It's a very simple structure from afar but up close you feel this electricity that seduces you to its origins.
And lastly for beauty Scotland has my vote. Just outside of Edinburgh you will be amazed at the rolling hills and green grass surrounding you on all sides. The hills in Ireland are a very close second.
There are many more places that are simply can't miss. Paris at night time, Amsterdam hash bars, Irish pubs (mentioned before), the beautiful Bavarian Alps in Germany, the islands of Greece (outside of Athens), and the warm calming sands of Cancun, Mexico. Perhaps at the end of this year I will add the Great Wall of China to this list... September can't come soon enough. In the next few years I hope to add New Zealand, Australia and South America to my list as well. Who knows... maybe Antarctica will be my final stop to complete the 7 continents journey.
If you haven't had a chance or the means to visit at least one of these places as of yet... my suggestion is find a way and a time to do so. It will literally change your perspective on life.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
My Hidden Side
Poetry has been a big part of my life. Well, ever since the 8th grade when I had to write a poetry assignment. I can still remember the last phrase of the first poem that inspired me.
"Out of a world of happiness, suddenly I am sad. Day and night it haunts me... the kiss I never had"
I was hooked since then and immediately started writing my own poetry. As stated in an earlier blog I used this newfound artistic expression as a way to get girls. I mean what jr high girl doesn't like a hand written note from a boy expressing his (cough...cough) true feelings for her. Okay... so it wasn't my TRUE feelings... and I am an evil bastard. Anyway... it worked. Sometimes a little too well. I was even asked by several of my friends to write their girl a poem that looked like it came from them. I always had a knack for putting myself in someone else's emotional state. One of the reasons why I knew acting was the path for me.
However, during my times in high school I started to have many issues in my life. From moving from a big city to a small town, going to 6 different schools in 7 years and dealing with family problems. My writing started becoming more of an escape. I was never one to look back and regret what I went through in life, but it was still hard dealing with so much change in so little time.
Once I found the woman I would eventually marry, it took a new twist. No longer was I writing about myself but now I actually had a reason to write my feelings for someone else. I even wrote my wedding vows out in a poem 2 hours before the wedding.
I've been told that I should write for Hall-Mark and for awhile I tried to see if it was possible. But other ventures quickly arose and I never went that route in life. I soon found that poetry is really something beautiful only for the writer and their subject. Many times nobody else seems to care. I never quite understood that.
I guess it's because a person can view a painting for 10 seconds... get the gist of it and move on while poetry takes time not only to read but to analyze. Most artwork can be taken in many different ways depending on who is viewing it but in poetry you are forced to go inside the writers head. And if you can't relate then what good is it.
So for years I have kept my thoughts hidden from the world and only let a select few ever take a glimse of that part of my life. Now, I have finally decided to post some of them on its own website. Maybe people will enjoy it... or maybe people will take a glance and go "ehhh". Either way, it's not for them... it's for me. And if someone is truly interested in knowing a bit more about me (and if you are reading this blog then maybe you are) then perhaps it's for you as well. *Click below*
http://poetry.jalanphotography.com/
My poetry website
"Out of a world of happiness, suddenly I am sad. Day and night it haunts me... the kiss I never had"
I was hooked since then and immediately started writing my own poetry. As stated in an earlier blog I used this newfound artistic expression as a way to get girls. I mean what jr high girl doesn't like a hand written note from a boy expressing his (cough...cough) true feelings for her. Okay... so it wasn't my TRUE feelings... and I am an evil bastard. Anyway... it worked. Sometimes a little too well. I was even asked by several of my friends to write their girl a poem that looked like it came from them. I always had a knack for putting myself in someone else's emotional state. One of the reasons why I knew acting was the path for me.
However, during my times in high school I started to have many issues in my life. From moving from a big city to a small town, going to 6 different schools in 7 years and dealing with family problems. My writing started becoming more of an escape. I was never one to look back and regret what I went through in life, but it was still hard dealing with so much change in so little time.
Once I found the woman I would eventually marry, it took a new twist. No longer was I writing about myself but now I actually had a reason to write my feelings for someone else. I even wrote my wedding vows out in a poem 2 hours before the wedding.
I've been told that I should write for Hall-Mark and for awhile I tried to see if it was possible. But other ventures quickly arose and I never went that route in life. I soon found that poetry is really something beautiful only for the writer and their subject. Many times nobody else seems to care. I never quite understood that.
I guess it's because a person can view a painting for 10 seconds... get the gist of it and move on while poetry takes time not only to read but to analyze. Most artwork can be taken in many different ways depending on who is viewing it but in poetry you are forced to go inside the writers head. And if you can't relate then what good is it.
So for years I have kept my thoughts hidden from the world and only let a select few ever take a glimse of that part of my life. Now, I have finally decided to post some of them on its own website. Maybe people will enjoy it... or maybe people will take a glance and go "ehhh". Either way, it's not for them... it's for me. And if someone is truly interested in knowing a bit more about me (and if you are reading this blog then maybe you are) then perhaps it's for you as well. *Click below*
http://poetry.jalanphotography.com/
My poetry website
Monday, January 17, 2011
Acting Like I'm Not An Actor
Over 9 years ago I was sitting in my living room in Missouri (or misery) watching Stars Wars Episode I on DVD. As I was watching the behind the scenes I started to feel an itch. Being 24 at the time I couldn't quite place my finger on what it was, but the more I watched the DVD the more I came to realize that the itch was the metaphoric acting bug. I'm not talking a nibble. I was bitten full on by this newfound notion that has eluded me all of these years. This actually wasn't the first time I felt this... but it definitely was the most memorable.
3 years earlier while in college I was in a film class. That is the first I felt the inclination to go to Hollywood and start my acting career. Problem was my daughter was just about to be born so I quickly put that notion on hold. The next year we found out we had another little one coming and by 2000 my son came along to grace this world. I was a very proud father and felt like a man for the first time in my life. I had my own 4 bedroom home purchased with a double lot field around us and aspirations to build a brand new home from scratch nearby. 2000 was also the year that I found my own ebay business and was off and running.
Fastforward back to Oct 2001. After watching the whole Star Wars DVD I went to my office and immediately started researching. By the time my wife came home from work I couldn't wait to tell her that acting was the profession I had to be in. It made perfect sense. Everything I have ever went through in my life seemed to lead up to that moment and it was time for me to take full advantage of it. Of course she was a little hesitant but supportive. But when she came home the following day and I hit her with "...and we are moving to California", she freaked. It took some convincing but she eventually warmed to the idea.
I immediately starting fixing my hair again (like I use to when I was younger) and shaved... no more scruffies. Within a few weeks I ended up flying to Los Angeles by myself to scout the area. There I got my first headshots done for $50 (black and white), and auditioned for my first role. Okay it was a cattle call for Austin Powers: Goldmember but I had fun. I also paid a visit to the Jay Leno show and just familiarized myself with the whole LA scene.
I was quite surprised when I returned back home to hear that the people for Austin Powers called and wanted to know if I could come in again. I forgot I put my in-laws phone # on the audition and when they asked my mother-in-law what area we were in because they didn't recognize the area code she told them Missouri. They ended the conversation with "Well, I guess he can't make it here by tomorrow then" and hung up. When I heard this upon arriving back home I was upset... but happy at the same time that I was considered on my first audition.
I quickly put my house up on the market and waited for an offer. Over the next year I received two more calls for auditions (which I submitted with my new headshots from Missouri) and each time I drove the 24 hours to get there. One was for a new tv show pilot and he liked my look, but was put off by me not living in LA. I knew I had to get my butt there somehow.
Finally we found a buyer. We sold the house, made some money off the deal and moved to... you guessed it.. Kansas City. Wait... what? I know you are confused. But I was actually concerned that my wife would not adjust that quickly to city life in LA since she is from a small town and I wanted to give her a step up for a few months before making the big move. What a great and thoughtful guy I am! So we signed a 6 month lease, she found a job, said goodbye to her parents and we left.
As promised we made the move in May of 2003 to Van Nuys, CA. Within a month I got new color headshots and found an acting class. Within 2 months I was audioning for everything I could get my hands on. Within 6 months I landed a SAG commercial that taft-hartley'd me into the union. And within a year I had my own manager and agent. My first year here was going better than expected and I was doing it... I was an actor.
Over the next couple of years I went through 3 different agents, 2 acting schools, a stint on a soap opera, and a line in the new Star Trek film. I also produced a few of my own film projects after buying my own equipement (camera, lights, track dolly, sound, editing, you name it). But it just wasn't fun for me anymore. I was now 30 years old and I was starting to over analyze myself too much. I decided to take a break for awhile and work on my photography full time.
On and off over the past 3 years I have felt that comeback bug in me... but realizing how hard it was the first time around I decided to hold off until I was fully consumed by it again and ready to take on the world. That feeling still hasn't hit me yet. And even though I have done some acting over the past year or so, it was because of previous work I've done and not me auditioning like I did before.
For now I am very happy with where my photography has taken me. I have taken several trips across the world and have enjoyed my last 3 years of not worrying too much about my appearance. But that "what if" question every now and then comes back in my head. The truth is I never really wanted to be a star... only have the prestige to say I was a working actor. I feel the time may be coming closer to where I update my headshots and test the auditioning waters for a second go-round. But again, I've been saying that for the past 3 years.
3 years earlier while in college I was in a film class. That is the first I felt the inclination to go to Hollywood and start my acting career. Problem was my daughter was just about to be born so I quickly put that notion on hold. The next year we found out we had another little one coming and by 2000 my son came along to grace this world. I was a very proud father and felt like a man for the first time in my life. I had my own 4 bedroom home purchased with a double lot field around us and aspirations to build a brand new home from scratch nearby. 2000 was also the year that I found my own ebay business and was off and running.
Fastforward back to Oct 2001. After watching the whole Star Wars DVD I went to my office and immediately started researching. By the time my wife came home from work I couldn't wait to tell her that acting was the profession I had to be in. It made perfect sense. Everything I have ever went through in my life seemed to lead up to that moment and it was time for me to take full advantage of it. Of course she was a little hesitant but supportive. But when she came home the following day and I hit her with "...and we are moving to California", she freaked. It took some convincing but she eventually warmed to the idea.
I immediately starting fixing my hair again (like I use to when I was younger) and shaved... no more scruffies. Within a few weeks I ended up flying to Los Angeles by myself to scout the area. There I got my first headshots done for $50 (black and white), and auditioned for my first role. Okay it was a cattle call for Austin Powers: Goldmember but I had fun. I also paid a visit to the Jay Leno show and just familiarized myself with the whole LA scene.
I was quite surprised when I returned back home to hear that the people for Austin Powers called and wanted to know if I could come in again. I forgot I put my in-laws phone # on the audition and when they asked my mother-in-law what area we were in because they didn't recognize the area code she told them Missouri. They ended the conversation with "Well, I guess he can't make it here by tomorrow then" and hung up. When I heard this upon arriving back home I was upset... but happy at the same time that I was considered on my first audition.
I quickly put my house up on the market and waited for an offer. Over the next year I received two more calls for auditions (which I submitted with my new headshots from Missouri) and each time I drove the 24 hours to get there. One was for a new tv show pilot and he liked my look, but was put off by me not living in LA. I knew I had to get my butt there somehow.
Finally we found a buyer. We sold the house, made some money off the deal and moved to... you guessed it.. Kansas City. Wait... what? I know you are confused. But I was actually concerned that my wife would not adjust that quickly to city life in LA since she is from a small town and I wanted to give her a step up for a few months before making the big move. What a great and thoughtful guy I am! So we signed a 6 month lease, she found a job, said goodbye to her parents and we left.
As promised we made the move in May of 2003 to Van Nuys, CA. Within a month I got new color headshots and found an acting class. Within 2 months I was audioning for everything I could get my hands on. Within 6 months I landed a SAG commercial that taft-hartley'd me into the union. And within a year I had my own manager and agent. My first year here was going better than expected and I was doing it... I was an actor.
Over the next couple of years I went through 3 different agents, 2 acting schools, a stint on a soap opera, and a line in the new Star Trek film. I also produced a few of my own film projects after buying my own equipement (camera, lights, track dolly, sound, editing, you name it). But it just wasn't fun for me anymore. I was now 30 years old and I was starting to over analyze myself too much. I decided to take a break for awhile and work on my photography full time.
On and off over the past 3 years I have felt that comeback bug in me... but realizing how hard it was the first time around I decided to hold off until I was fully consumed by it again and ready to take on the world. That feeling still hasn't hit me yet. And even though I have done some acting over the past year or so, it was because of previous work I've done and not me auditioning like I did before.
For now I am very happy with where my photography has taken me. I have taken several trips across the world and have enjoyed my last 3 years of not worrying too much about my appearance. But that "what if" question every now and then comes back in my head. The truth is I never really wanted to be a star... only have the prestige to say I was a working actor. I feel the time may be coming closer to where I update my headshots and test the auditioning waters for a second go-round. But again, I've been saying that for the past 3 years.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
He Got Game!
My athletic ability is something I am proud of... but it wasn't always that way. I was a late bloomer in that area. Perhaps it was because my dad was never mentally there to help me throw a football outside and my brother (being much older) was never around either. Basically I grew up an only child.
In 7th grade I remember trying out for the basketball team. I don't even remember the real reason other than a friend of mine was and I tagged along. I was so uncoordinated it was embarrasing. I couldn't even dribble the ball with my left hand which made going around cones quite challenging. Yeah, I never made the team.
It wasn't until High School that I finally took up the interest. Mostly because I needed an outlet for my anger. All through Jr High I was on the shorter side of average for my height. In 6th grade I was only 4'5 and I knew I had to find a way to keep from being picked on. So I came in with this attitude that nobody was going to mess with me. Anyone that tried to knock me down I was going to punch him in the face and not stop until I was pulled off. I still remember this one kid in class calling me names constantly. All I kept saying to him was keep talking because I am not forgetting one word of it. After class I waited for him around the corner and as soon as he left the classroom I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. With a psychotic look I told him he better look over his shoulder because I will F- him up. Sure enough, the next day I was walking in the halls and saw him walking in front of me. I handed my books to my friend, walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and punched him square in the face as he turned around. I then gave him several more punches to the face as he laid curled up on the ground before I just walked away. NOBODY messed with me after that.
That chip on my shoulder continued and I was getting worse and worse at school. Especially to teachers. So when I found basketball as a sport I went at it with everything I had. I was playing constantly at the park near my home after school and got proficient at dribbling between my legs, behind my back, right or left handed it didn't matter. I was also blessed with large hands (10 inch width from thumb to pinky) so I was able to palm a basketball early on.
In 10th grade I moved to my second High School and decided to try out for the team again. I was one of the only white kids there and the shortest of everyone but I could still grab and hang on a 10 foot rim. Being 5'6 at the time I felt accomplished. Things were going well in tryouts and there was only 1 day left before cuts were made. I went home to tell my dad about it and his exact words to me were "You are 3 feet too short to play basketball... mentally and physically". I mean who says that to their child.
Anyhow, I took that to heart and I swore I was not going to fail. So I grabbed a ball and went to the park. I was on a roll too. I was shooting shots from all over the court and not missing a shot. I made something like 20 in a row from all angles. I finally missed a shot but it was a layup, and that angered me so much that I jumped high for the rebound and came down crashing on my left leg. SNAP!!!!
I ended up limping the mile and a half back home and when I came in the door my brother and dad were both sitting in the living room. Not one of them gave me a hand or asked me why I was limping. I just went to my room and closed the door. I didn't know what happened but I was certain I did something wrong. The next day I was hardly able to walk let alone run. I tried to make a go of it but was unable to. Coach cut me on the spot. My mom took me to the doctor and it turned out to be a partially torn ligament in my knee which required surgery. That was September. I didn't get it repaired until the following summer for reasons I still can't explain. I went that whole year limping with a knee brace with stairs being the worst. But I managed.
My Junior year I went to my third High School and went out for the team again. This time I was armed with a years worth of book knowledge. Since I couldn't play I started reading up on basketball like crazy and practicing my jump shot to perfection. Unfortunately the swelling was still there since I just got off surgery two months prior and I was unable to make a full go at tryouts. Another year wasted. And by 12th grade I was working after school to buy my own car and had no time.
Still I felt good about my skills and in college I would go to the gym and play pickup games constantly. I even asked the coach to tryout for the team but was told he only accepts scholarship players and to try the Christian academy down the road. WTH!!! I was in college to study not to play basketball. I just wanted to try out. So I hung up my jersey.
I always wondered what would have happened if I never had that injury... or if I would have had surgery done earlier... or if I never changed high schools that last time. But I knew there was nothing to do but just move on. The best thing I can do now is make sure my kids don't go through the same thing.
This Saturday my son will be trying out for baseball for the first time (10 years old). I have worked with him on catching and hitting a baseball over the past few years and he has told me he wants to do it. So I forked over the $250 to get him registered. Nothing in the world will make me prouder than if he was able to play well in this league and gain confidence in himself as a human being. But just seeing him on that field (something I was never able to do for one reason or another) will be enough for me to know I one-uped my father once again.
In 7th grade I remember trying out for the basketball team. I don't even remember the real reason other than a friend of mine was and I tagged along. I was so uncoordinated it was embarrasing. I couldn't even dribble the ball with my left hand which made going around cones quite challenging. Yeah, I never made the team.
It wasn't until High School that I finally took up the interest. Mostly because I needed an outlet for my anger. All through Jr High I was on the shorter side of average for my height. In 6th grade I was only 4'5 and I knew I had to find a way to keep from being picked on. So I came in with this attitude that nobody was going to mess with me. Anyone that tried to knock me down I was going to punch him in the face and not stop until I was pulled off. I still remember this one kid in class calling me names constantly. All I kept saying to him was keep talking because I am not forgetting one word of it. After class I waited for him around the corner and as soon as he left the classroom I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. With a psychotic look I told him he better look over his shoulder because I will F- him up. Sure enough, the next day I was walking in the halls and saw him walking in front of me. I handed my books to my friend, walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and punched him square in the face as he turned around. I then gave him several more punches to the face as he laid curled up on the ground before I just walked away. NOBODY messed with me after that.
That chip on my shoulder continued and I was getting worse and worse at school. Especially to teachers. So when I found basketball as a sport I went at it with everything I had. I was playing constantly at the park near my home after school and got proficient at dribbling between my legs, behind my back, right or left handed it didn't matter. I was also blessed with large hands (10 inch width from thumb to pinky) so I was able to palm a basketball early on.
In 10th grade I moved to my second High School and decided to try out for the team again. I was one of the only white kids there and the shortest of everyone but I could still grab and hang on a 10 foot rim. Being 5'6 at the time I felt accomplished. Things were going well in tryouts and there was only 1 day left before cuts were made. I went home to tell my dad about it and his exact words to me were "You are 3 feet too short to play basketball... mentally and physically". I mean who says that to their child.
Anyhow, I took that to heart and I swore I was not going to fail. So I grabbed a ball and went to the park. I was on a roll too. I was shooting shots from all over the court and not missing a shot. I made something like 20 in a row from all angles. I finally missed a shot but it was a layup, and that angered me so much that I jumped high for the rebound and came down crashing on my left leg. SNAP!!!!
I ended up limping the mile and a half back home and when I came in the door my brother and dad were both sitting in the living room. Not one of them gave me a hand or asked me why I was limping. I just went to my room and closed the door. I didn't know what happened but I was certain I did something wrong. The next day I was hardly able to walk let alone run. I tried to make a go of it but was unable to. Coach cut me on the spot. My mom took me to the doctor and it turned out to be a partially torn ligament in my knee which required surgery. That was September. I didn't get it repaired until the following summer for reasons I still can't explain. I went that whole year limping with a knee brace with stairs being the worst. But I managed.
My Junior year I went to my third High School and went out for the team again. This time I was armed with a years worth of book knowledge. Since I couldn't play I started reading up on basketball like crazy and practicing my jump shot to perfection. Unfortunately the swelling was still there since I just got off surgery two months prior and I was unable to make a full go at tryouts. Another year wasted. And by 12th grade I was working after school to buy my own car and had no time.
Still I felt good about my skills and in college I would go to the gym and play pickup games constantly. I even asked the coach to tryout for the team but was told he only accepts scholarship players and to try the Christian academy down the road. WTH!!! I was in college to study not to play basketball. I just wanted to try out. So I hung up my jersey.
I always wondered what would have happened if I never had that injury... or if I would have had surgery done earlier... or if I never changed high schools that last time. But I knew there was nothing to do but just move on. The best thing I can do now is make sure my kids don't go through the same thing.
This Saturday my son will be trying out for baseball for the first time (10 years old). I have worked with him on catching and hitting a baseball over the past few years and he has told me he wants to do it. So I forked over the $250 to get him registered. Nothing in the world will make me prouder than if he was able to play well in this league and gain confidence in himself as a human being. But just seeing him on that field (something I was never able to do for one reason or another) will be enough for me to know I one-uped my father once again.
I'm Here to PUMP.... Me Up?
I've always been a small framed person. Growing up I had to fend for myself many times for food around the house and I learned to eat small portions throughout the day. Not even knowing that apparently that is the healthiest way to be, but it doesn't do anything in the weight room.
As a freshman in highschool I was laughed at for doing only 95 lbs on the bench press and I swore that by the time the semester was over that I would bench over 200 lbs. Sure enough by January (about 4 months) I went up to 205. Again my body didn't change much. Even after highschool I had a hard time gaining weight.
In 2006 I got sick for a few weeks and lost around 10-15 lbs. I was down to 118 lbs at 5'8. Needless to say I looked pretty thin. After seeing a photo of me that year with family members I quickly came to the conclustion that I needed to bulk up. So for my birthday that year I hired a personal trainer for a month and learned the ropes. I was eating like a horse (about 2500 calories and 150 grams of protein a day). Protein shakes and bars were a normal thing for me and in 3 months I was up to 145 lbs and looked cut.
Problem with that is it took effort to eat that much all the time. I was so used to living on maybe 1000 or so calories a day. So after 3 months I went back to my normal eating habits and stopped working out for awhile. Within 6 months I was back down to 125 lbs. In 2007 around my birthday I decided to start bulking up again with similar results. And for the next few years this became a routine for me. Work hard for 3 months at the gym while eating then taking the rest of the year off.
This time around I started in December 2010 and was still at 134. Not a bad starter compared to before. For 2 weeks I ate everything in site (3000 calories a day and 160 grams of protein). I gained 7 lbs quick. I then took the holiday break off and just this past week decided to keep it going for 3 more months. This time, I want to get bigger and nicely cut.
For anyone interested, I always work out naturally. No pills at all. The only thing I take is creatine for helping my workouts last longer and protein shakes and bars. I only take those on my workout days. This time around I am also varying up my workouts to 4 days a week. I may add a 5th day after a month or so.
Funny thing is when I leave the gym my arms and chest are PUMPED. It's a MAN chest (for me) and I love it. But by the next day it goes back down. I want that pumped look everyday if possible. So I think this blog is simply to keep me motivated to working out and eating for the next 3 months. So far it has been 4 workout days down and 44 more to go. Hopefully I can keep it going for 6 months this time (which would be a record for me).
Here's to being ripped and staying thin in 2011.
As a freshman in highschool I was laughed at for doing only 95 lbs on the bench press and I swore that by the time the semester was over that I would bench over 200 lbs. Sure enough by January (about 4 months) I went up to 205. Again my body didn't change much. Even after highschool I had a hard time gaining weight.
In 2006 I got sick for a few weeks and lost around 10-15 lbs. I was down to 118 lbs at 5'8. Needless to say I looked pretty thin. After seeing a photo of me that year with family members I quickly came to the conclustion that I needed to bulk up. So for my birthday that year I hired a personal trainer for a month and learned the ropes. I was eating like a horse (about 2500 calories and 150 grams of protein a day). Protein shakes and bars were a normal thing for me and in 3 months I was up to 145 lbs and looked cut.
Problem with that is it took effort to eat that much all the time. I was so used to living on maybe 1000 or so calories a day. So after 3 months I went back to my normal eating habits and stopped working out for awhile. Within 6 months I was back down to 125 lbs. In 2007 around my birthday I decided to start bulking up again with similar results. And for the next few years this became a routine for me. Work hard for 3 months at the gym while eating then taking the rest of the year off.
This time around I started in December 2010 and was still at 134. Not a bad starter compared to before. For 2 weeks I ate everything in site (3000 calories a day and 160 grams of protein). I gained 7 lbs quick. I then took the holiday break off and just this past week decided to keep it going for 3 more months. This time, I want to get bigger and nicely cut.
For anyone interested, I always work out naturally. No pills at all. The only thing I take is creatine for helping my workouts last longer and protein shakes and bars. I only take those on my workout days. This time around I am also varying up my workouts to 4 days a week. I may add a 5th day after a month or so.
Funny thing is when I leave the gym my arms and chest are PUMPED. It's a MAN chest (for me) and I love it. But by the next day it goes back down. I want that pumped look everyday if possible. So I think this blog is simply to keep me motivated to working out and eating for the next 3 months. So far it has been 4 workout days down and 44 more to go. Hopefully I can keep it going for 6 months this time (which would be a record for me).
Here's to being ripped and staying thin in 2011.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Hair or No Hair... Beard or No Beard?
Recently I have been looking over old pictures in my photo album and realized that I have changed quite a bit in my look. Of course I am older but now I look totally different with facial and longer hair. Some people don't understand why I just don't cut my hair, but there is more to the story than that.
Growing up I was always the cute kid. Not braggin much (okay I am) but I always had a girlfriend ever since 6th grade when I kissed a girl to the song "Rock Me Amadeus" at the Jr High dance. In 7th grade I started growing a mustache and by High School I could grow out a nice looking beard. Although my mom made me shave at least twice a week for school. I guess she was afraid I would get in more trouble if I looked older.
So naturally once I got to college I let it all go. Full go-t with an afro. I didn't care what I looked like... it was freedom. Kinda like being on the Disney Channel all your life and finally you get a chance to be in a serious film. I had to take advantage of it. Of course that didn't last long as my now wife hated the look. I ended up keeping the mustache at times but cut the hair.
A year after college I started to get really tired of wearing contacts (my eyesight was like 20/1000 or something) so I finally got lasik eye surgery done. Within minutes I could see 20/20. It was like freedom all over again. Suddenly I was back into my apperance once more.. trimming up my facial hair, keeping my hair nice and later that year I caught the bug. No not lice... but the acting bug and the transformation was complete. No more shaggy look and hello clean cut, clean shaved 20 something year old.
I was me again... but better because now I could actually see. For the next 5 years I was all over Hollywood doing my thang. But through all of the classes, auditions and acting jobs I landed I was tired of paying so much attention to my looks. It's so true about Hollywood that it makes you superficial. I mean everytime I went out the door I felt like I had to look my best just in case I ran into someone. It started to weigh down on my self-esteem. So I took a break from acting. And guess what... back comes the facial hair. That is also when I began to grow out my hair for the first time. Sure it started out like a mullet, but eventually it all evened out.
So back to now... I am faced once again with whether or not to cut my hair. Not because I really want to but a part of me misses looking cute again. The rest of me is happy with the cool, rugged look. I mean I actually like it... but I always get people on one side of the fence or the other. All I know is once I cut my hair again I'm stuck. It's too hard to grow it out again so I'd probably keep it for awhile. Maybe I'll just compromise and clean shave twice a week and keep the long hair. Oh decisions, decisions.
Growing up I was always the cute kid. Not braggin much (okay I am) but I always had a girlfriend ever since 6th grade when I kissed a girl to the song "Rock Me Amadeus" at the Jr High dance. In 7th grade I started growing a mustache and by High School I could grow out a nice looking beard. Although my mom made me shave at least twice a week for school. I guess she was afraid I would get in more trouble if I looked older.
So naturally once I got to college I let it all go. Full go-t with an afro. I didn't care what I looked like... it was freedom. Kinda like being on the Disney Channel all your life and finally you get a chance to be in a serious film. I had to take advantage of it. Of course that didn't last long as my now wife hated the look. I ended up keeping the mustache at times but cut the hair.
A year after college I started to get really tired of wearing contacts (my eyesight was like 20/1000 or something) so I finally got lasik eye surgery done. Within minutes I could see 20/20. It was like freedom all over again. Suddenly I was back into my apperance once more.. trimming up my facial hair, keeping my hair nice and later that year I caught the bug. No not lice... but the acting bug and the transformation was complete. No more shaggy look and hello clean cut, clean shaved 20 something year old.
I was me again... but better because now I could actually see. For the next 5 years I was all over Hollywood doing my thang. But through all of the classes, auditions and acting jobs I landed I was tired of paying so much attention to my looks. It's so true about Hollywood that it makes you superficial. I mean everytime I went out the door I felt like I had to look my best just in case I ran into someone. It started to weigh down on my self-esteem. So I took a break from acting. And guess what... back comes the facial hair. That is also when I began to grow out my hair for the first time. Sure it started out like a mullet, but eventually it all evened out.
So back to now... I am faced once again with whether or not to cut my hair. Not because I really want to but a part of me misses looking cute again. The rest of me is happy with the cool, rugged look. I mean I actually like it... but I always get people on one side of the fence or the other. All I know is once I cut my hair again I'm stuck. It's too hard to grow it out again so I'd probably keep it for awhile. Maybe I'll just compromise and clean shave twice a week and keep the long hair. Oh decisions, decisions.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
"China.... America's Pimp" My Airline Dilemma
So, I've been looking for cheap tickets from Los Angeles to China for the past 3 weeks now and its making me paranoid.
Right now they are $905 to fly, however, last year in March I saw the same ticket for as low as... hold on let me look it up in my notes again... Ahhh there it is, $756. Of course that was for September 2010.
I have been told that prices in March go down for Asian airlines due to it being after the Chinese New Year and according to last years prices it did apparently. But with how much the US owes China now I wonder if they would do us any favors this year with their airline prices. Sometimes I think they should change their tourist slogan to "China.... America's Pimp. Come to Beijing or we'll cut yo azz"
Now I know what I should do... wait for March and see what happenes. But it has consumed me now- every single day. Not all day because... well... that would be weird and you all know that I am pretty much the sanest..... nevermind, don't respond to that. All hell with it... I'm bonkers sometimes... who cares.
Anyhow, what has really got my nerve is these damn oil prices. All I keep hearing is they are going to go up. And anyone that understands the economy knows that oil prices going up means higher fares for flights. Why? Because airlines have to SPEND more money for oil so guess what... that gets passed onto us, the consumer.
Enough of the lesson, point is I am afraid prices might actually go up this time. For the past 4 years I have always purchased my tickets to Europe right around New Years, because that is the cheapest I usually see them. Now perhaps since the Chinese New Year is in February then that is why I would have to wait for their sale to go on.....
Alright then... that is what I will do. I will not plan on buying until at least February. That gives me 2 1/2 more weeks of sanity. Man, I feel like I'm buying stock again (Should I buy.... buy now.. no wait... okay now.... oh crap.... SELL, SELL, SELL) But that's another story!
Right now they are $905 to fly, however, last year in March I saw the same ticket for as low as... hold on let me look it up in my notes again... Ahhh there it is, $756. Of course that was for September 2010.
I have been told that prices in March go down for Asian airlines due to it being after the Chinese New Year and according to last years prices it did apparently. But with how much the US owes China now I wonder if they would do us any favors this year with their airline prices. Sometimes I think they should change their tourist slogan to "China.... America's Pimp. Come to Beijing or we'll cut yo azz"
Now I know what I should do... wait for March and see what happenes. But it has consumed me now- every single day. Not all day because... well... that would be weird and you all know that I am pretty much the sanest..... nevermind, don't respond to that. All hell with it... I'm bonkers sometimes... who cares.
Anyhow, what has really got my nerve is these damn oil prices. All I keep hearing is they are going to go up. And anyone that understands the economy knows that oil prices going up means higher fares for flights. Why? Because airlines have to SPEND more money for oil so guess what... that gets passed onto us, the consumer.
Enough of the lesson, point is I am afraid prices might actually go up this time. For the past 4 years I have always purchased my tickets to Europe right around New Years, because that is the cheapest I usually see them. Now perhaps since the Chinese New Year is in February then that is why I would have to wait for their sale to go on.....
Alright then... that is what I will do. I will not plan on buying until at least February. That gives me 2 1/2 more weeks of sanity. Man, I feel like I'm buying stock again (Should I buy.... buy now.. no wait... okay now.... oh crap.... SELL, SELL, SELL) But that's another story!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Art of War or My War of Art
Lately I've been flirting with the notion that I could use my artistic skills to place myself in this world. Ever since I was little I found I could draw fairly easily. I remember a circumstance when I was about 5 years old. I drew a sports car similar to what I saw a teenager do. My mom was pretty impressed with how mature it looked. I didn't do much with it until I got into 8th grade and took my first art class because of a girl. I know... it's always because of a girl right?
So there I was, a week into school and my assignment was to draw two things by looking at them. One was my shoe and the other was my watch. I drew them to scale so perfectly that my teacher recommended that I jump immediately to Art II class (which I did).
From there is was like a light bulb went off artistically. Before I knew it I was drawing, painting, using pastels and charcoal. Even tought myself how to write in perfect calligraphy. I began using my new found skills for evil purposes when I wrote several poems to girls in school using that calligraphy technique. Worked every time. Although my first few poems were a bit remedial. I think one went like this...
Everytime I think of you I feel a shock, right through me to you.
And when I see you I get chills because I'm thinking of what to do.
Notice the first line? Yeah, I stole that from the band New Order. Seriously, google it. Better yet here it is:
http://www.lyricskeeper.com/new_order-lyrics/228121-everytime_i_see_you_fall-lyrics.htm
Nice huh.
Anyhow. Yada, yada, yada.... fast forward 12 years after high school. I begin painting again abstractly. I used my emotion to fuel this newfound addiction and created a 3 part painting series of a tiny, lonely shadowed guy. The first was him contemplating leaving his current life for a possible better future. The second was him being torn between the world and his own thoughts, and the last was him rowing off to the sunset hoping to finally capture his star.
In the past few years I have painting abstract emotion, portraits, and from my photos I took in Europe. But my new challenge is movie scenes. A few weeks ago I sketched a scene from the Matrix (the one where Neo stops the bullets) and ever since I have been itching to try it as a painting on a larger scale. Unfortunately I have yet to attempt this one.
I'd like to think that I am just planning the right time to be inspired to tackle it, but really I feel I am more scared to. I've always been a "put your mind to it" kind of person but I am afraid of getting too wrapped up trying to make it perfect that it will soon become a vandetta for me.
Even though I consider myself an artist of all types I find that I do this in a more mathematical way. In life I have learned to trust my instincts but in my art I have fallen short of that. It's the fear of failure that has consumed me and I feel one day I will wake up and realize I am not an artist but a person pretending to be.
Perhaps art is my gift to the world but I will never truly know until I learn to shed my layers of doubt and let it come from the heart (without worry of what anyone else thinks).
So there I was, a week into school and my assignment was to draw two things by looking at them. One was my shoe and the other was my watch. I drew them to scale so perfectly that my teacher recommended that I jump immediately to Art II class (which I did).
From there is was like a light bulb went off artistically. Before I knew it I was drawing, painting, using pastels and charcoal. Even tought myself how to write in perfect calligraphy. I began using my new found skills for evil purposes when I wrote several poems to girls in school using that calligraphy technique. Worked every time. Although my first few poems were a bit remedial. I think one went like this...
Everytime I think of you I feel a shock, right through me to you.
And when I see you I get chills because I'm thinking of what to do.
Notice the first line? Yeah, I stole that from the band New Order. Seriously, google it. Better yet here it is:
http://www.lyricskeeper.com/new_order-lyrics/228121-everytime_i_see_you_fall-lyrics.htm
Nice huh.
Anyhow. Yada, yada, yada.... fast forward 12 years after high school. I begin painting again abstractly. I used my emotion to fuel this newfound addiction and created a 3 part painting series of a tiny, lonely shadowed guy. The first was him contemplating leaving his current life for a possible better future. The second was him being torn between the world and his own thoughts, and the last was him rowing off to the sunset hoping to finally capture his star.
In the past few years I have painting abstract emotion, portraits, and from my photos I took in Europe. But my new challenge is movie scenes. A few weeks ago I sketched a scene from the Matrix (the one where Neo stops the bullets) and ever since I have been itching to try it as a painting on a larger scale. Unfortunately I have yet to attempt this one.
I'd like to think that I am just planning the right time to be inspired to tackle it, but really I feel I am more scared to. I've always been a "put your mind to it" kind of person but I am afraid of getting too wrapped up trying to make it perfect that it will soon become a vandetta for me.
Even though I consider myself an artist of all types I find that I do this in a more mathematical way. In life I have learned to trust my instincts but in my art I have fallen short of that. It's the fear of failure that has consumed me and I feel one day I will wake up and realize I am not an artist but a person pretending to be.
Perhaps art is my gift to the world but I will never truly know until I learn to shed my layers of doubt and let it come from the heart (without worry of what anyone else thinks).
Fan Mail (if you want to call it that)
Wow, this was WAAAAY to funny not to post so please forgive me for double blogging so quickly.
Every now and then I get fan mail from people I have never heard of. Thought you guys might like the one I just received not even 10 minutes ago. I xxx'd out the guys info below to protect the identity of this individual but the guy is from Croatia so most likely none of you would know him anyhow.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hay dear friend ... jeffrey .....how are you ..
i am zlxxxo by croatia ...yoiur big fan ..
i want be your friend .in fb ..
you look very, very beautiful ...
please you ..ADD me as friend in fb ...ok!!!!!
i am zlxxxo by croatia...
i have 26 year old ..189-74....browen hair ok boy ...
i live alone with my mother ..my father is dead ..i have not job ..
i love in my life ..movies, dance, fashion, music, art, style , etc ..
and ...eurovision song contest ...
how goes your life, job, love etc !!!
do you ever be in croatia !!!!
you look very beautiful and sexy and you are great artist ...
i give you the best my compliments ..
...please you sweet....jeffrey...send me .. ...your some photos+autograph..... ...on my home adr ....on memory on you....ok..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will be very, very happy on your nice kidnesses and your gifts ..
MY HOME ADR ..
ZLxxxO PxxxCKO
48xxx DURDEVAC
CROATIA
my cell..00xxx..915xxxxxx
send your family and you lot lot hot nice greetings from beautiful country ...your new friend ..zlatko by croatia . ...
i am zlxxxo by croatia ...yoiur big fan ..
i want be your friend .in fb ..
you look very, very beautiful ...
please you ..ADD me as friend in fb ...ok!!!!!
i am zlxxxo by croatia...
i have 26 year old ..189-74....browen hair ok boy ...
i live alone with my mother ..my father is dead ..i have not job ..
i love in my life ..movies, dance, fashion, music, art, style , etc ..
and ...eurovision song contest ...
how goes your life, job, love etc !!!
do you ever be in croatia !!!!
you look very beautiful and sexy and you are great artist ...
i give you the best my compliments ..
...please you sweet....jeffrey...send me .. ...your some photos+autograph..... ...on my home adr ....on memory on you....ok..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will be very, very happy on your nice kidnesses and your gifts ..
MY HOME ADR ..
ZLxxxO PxxxCKO
48xxx DURDEVAC
CROATIA
my cell..00xxx..915xxxxxx
send your family and you lot lot hot nice greetings from beautiful country ...your new friend ..zlatko by croatia . ...
"N Need of Fuud"
So I see 8 peoople saw my first post on this blog. Well, I may have been counted in there 7 times so perhaps it was just me and one other person. Thanks to that person by the way for chiming in.
Either case, this blog isn't about stats, or friends, or trying to be the next reality series. It's to free my mind up. If it adds entertainment to a few other people along the way then so be it.
What some of you (well the only other person who has read this blog) wants to know perhaps is what ideas do I have today to make the world a better place. Well since we are already on the subject of reality shows I think that is a good place to start.
Why do we have reality TV... aka FAKE CRAP. It boggles my mind that people get so obsessed with what other people are doing in the world on a nightly basis. Oh and did I mention... it's not even real. Seriously they might as well call it Plastic Surgery TV because there is nothing REAL about it.
Now if you want a real REALITY tv show then this is what I would do. I would take my camera out to Venice beach, Hollywood Blvd, Van Nuys and just film the lives of the homeless. You know the ones that are at the street corner you drive by with a sign saying "N Need Of Fuud". I would find out about there story, where they came from, where their family is and who is looking for them. I would have a whole series dedicated to each individual as they show us the world they are living in and how they got there. People will see first hand the day to day struggles of the streets and what they have to do to not only live but survive. Then I would air the episode and not only give that person credit on IMDB but give them a significant amount of the proceeds that were obtained from airing the episode. Then 6 months later I will film them again of how they are doing now and tell people that if they want to watch REAL TV then do it with a purpose. Stop giving your hard earned time and money to people that already have money and find a way to give it to the less fortunate ones.
Watch, a year from now a series like that will air on HBO and I will be here at my desk thinking "that was MY idea". But who cares. As long as it gets done the right way that's all that matters. So anyone out there reading... feel free to make it happen. Just mention my name in the credits somewhere as a Special Thanks at least.
Either case, this blog isn't about stats, or friends, or trying to be the next reality series. It's to free my mind up. If it adds entertainment to a few other people along the way then so be it.
What some of you (well the only other person who has read this blog) wants to know perhaps is what ideas do I have today to make the world a better place. Well since we are already on the subject of reality shows I think that is a good place to start.
Why do we have reality TV... aka FAKE CRAP. It boggles my mind that people get so obsessed with what other people are doing in the world on a nightly basis. Oh and did I mention... it's not even real. Seriously they might as well call it Plastic Surgery TV because there is nothing REAL about it.
Now if you want a real REALITY tv show then this is what I would do. I would take my camera out to Venice beach, Hollywood Blvd, Van Nuys and just film the lives of the homeless. You know the ones that are at the street corner you drive by with a sign saying "N Need Of Fuud". I would find out about there story, where they came from, where their family is and who is looking for them. I would have a whole series dedicated to each individual as they show us the world they are living in and how they got there. People will see first hand the day to day struggles of the streets and what they have to do to not only live but survive. Then I would air the episode and not only give that person credit on IMDB but give them a significant amount of the proceeds that were obtained from airing the episode. Then 6 months later I will film them again of how they are doing now and tell people that if they want to watch REAL TV then do it with a purpose. Stop giving your hard earned time and money to people that already have money and find a way to give it to the less fortunate ones.
Watch, a year from now a series like that will air on HBO and I will be here at my desk thinking "that was MY idea". But who cares. As long as it gets done the right way that's all that matters. So anyone out there reading... feel free to make it happen. Just mention my name in the credits somewhere as a Special Thanks at least.
Hmmmm- a blog... from me... REALLY?
My first blog.... I may be writing this because I want people to know what is on my mind. But in reality I feel I am writing this because "I" want to know what is on my mind. And the only way to do that is to actually write the crap down.
I feel I have something inside of me that is not being utilized. A part of my brain that is capable of changing the face of this world and yet I have grown too lazy to find out what that really is. So in an attempt to locate that missing piece you may find my words a bit rambling at times. Okay whatever... this whole thing is one BIG RAMB. Who cares. The point is that it's about time I wake up and put my genius to work. (Well what I call genius you will just call simply INSANE but that is here nor there).
My life is a movie script. I know this. There are things that I have gone through that nobody can say they have experienced. From a backwards childhood to finding my way around Hollywood and traveling around the world I have much to give back in my adventures. And as I ponder the script of my life hoping one day it becomes on the big screen, sometimes I wonder what else I can do.
For instance... those who know me know that I enjoy helping others. When I get a phone call asking for help I am there in a heartbeat. But what you may not know is why. I do it because that is my chance to shine in this world. I do it because that is what being a human being is all about. I don't care if I get repaid back... or handed money... or given praise. Sure it's nice to get a sincere thank you every now and then but really its because people should be there for each other when we are in need.
Another interesting fact about me you ask? Well, I went to 3 different high schools, 2 different colleges, dropped out of college a semester shy of graduating with a Computer Science and Broadcast Jornalism degrees (because I could care less about a piece of paper saying what I am good at) and started my own ebay business. I made a half a million dollars before I was 25 years old and decided I could care less about the internet. I needed to be in Hollywood to become an actor.
So I moved to LA 8 years ago, made my rounds, went to classes, got my speaking lines before realizing I actually like my privacy. Don't get me wrong I love being on set... I love shooting my own films when I can and working with people being creative. But I never wanted all the attention that went along with it--- okay honestly I LOVE LOVE LOVE ATTENTION. I just want it when I WANT IT.
So even though I still do acting when I feel the need to satisfy that itch, I am now a full time professional photographer. I have traveled around the globe several times over the past 3 years with many more trips planned. But again... it's just not enough.
It's time for me to find that one thing that will put me over the top. That one thing that I can say without a doubt that THAT is what I was meant to do. And for those who have read this far and plan on reading more of my blogs in the future... hopefully we will go on that journey together trying to find that out.
I feel I have something inside of me that is not being utilized. A part of my brain that is capable of changing the face of this world and yet I have grown too lazy to find out what that really is. So in an attempt to locate that missing piece you may find my words a bit rambling at times. Okay whatever... this whole thing is one BIG RAMB. Who cares. The point is that it's about time I wake up and put my genius to work. (Well what I call genius you will just call simply INSANE but that is here nor there).
My life is a movie script. I know this. There are things that I have gone through that nobody can say they have experienced. From a backwards childhood to finding my way around Hollywood and traveling around the world I have much to give back in my adventures. And as I ponder the script of my life hoping one day it becomes on the big screen, sometimes I wonder what else I can do.
For instance... those who know me know that I enjoy helping others. When I get a phone call asking for help I am there in a heartbeat. But what you may not know is why. I do it because that is my chance to shine in this world. I do it because that is what being a human being is all about. I don't care if I get repaid back... or handed money... or given praise. Sure it's nice to get a sincere thank you every now and then but really its because people should be there for each other when we are in need.
Another interesting fact about me you ask? Well, I went to 3 different high schools, 2 different colleges, dropped out of college a semester shy of graduating with a Computer Science and Broadcast Jornalism degrees (because I could care less about a piece of paper saying what I am good at) and started my own ebay business. I made a half a million dollars before I was 25 years old and decided I could care less about the internet. I needed to be in Hollywood to become an actor.
So I moved to LA 8 years ago, made my rounds, went to classes, got my speaking lines before realizing I actually like my privacy. Don't get me wrong I love being on set... I love shooting my own films when I can and working with people being creative. But I never wanted all the attention that went along with it--- okay honestly I LOVE LOVE LOVE ATTENTION. I just want it when I WANT IT.
So even though I still do acting when I feel the need to satisfy that itch, I am now a full time professional photographer. I have traveled around the globe several times over the past 3 years with many more trips planned. But again... it's just not enough.
It's time for me to find that one thing that will put me over the top. That one thing that I can say without a doubt that THAT is what I was meant to do. And for those who have read this far and plan on reading more of my blogs in the future... hopefully we will go on that journey together trying to find that out.
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