The other day I was finally able to speak to my nephew for the first time. He's 16 now (going on 17) and trying to put together a list of colleges he is interested in going to. The weird part is it was like speaking to myself.
Growing up I didn't have the best relationship with my brother. He was five years older than me and was pretty much moved out of the house before I even got to the seventh grade. Most of what I remember of him is he hanging me upside down from the upstairs railing laughing as he threatened to drop me. Due to rifts with our dad he decided leaving home while still in high school was the best thing for him. We completely lost touch after that. During my college years my parents finally split up. My mom stayed around where I was as my dad moved closer to my brother (who was in North Carolina at the time). With me having major issues with my dad already that pushed us away even more. Other than a few phone calls here and there- mostly where he asked me for money- we pretty much went our seperate ways for good.
Over the past year or so he seems to have finally pieced his life together with a family of his own and a stable job. Thanks to facebook we have at least been able to see what each other's life is about. That's where I saw my nephew. At first I added him as a friend just because he was family, but two days ago I decided to reach out to him. In an instant message I simply said I would like to get to know him better and he prompty responded "I feel the same way, too". Suddenly we were sending messages back and forth before one of us got the bright idea to actually speak to each other on the phone.
Be it a bit weird at first I found the conversation quite interesting. Everything he was telling me was almost exactly how I felt when I was his age (and somewhat even today). Again it was like I was speaking to myself 20 years ago. We talked about him having a hard time being around grandpa (my dad) and I was able to reassure him that I went through the same things. He even told me how he was in a foster home from age 2 through age 9 before his dad (my brother) was able to take him in. After bouncing back and forth between his mom and dad every year he has finally been able to settle down with my brother permanently. The eerie part of it all was not what he went through but of his attitude towards it. It was exactly- to the letter- on how I would handle it myself. I suddenly felt myself pulled to him even more as we talked about everything from girls to writing to the way our minds think backwards to solve problems.
I know I have my own kids that I am very proud of, but they have never experience the hardships that I went through as a kid. With my nephew I feel like he desperately needs someone that understands what he is going through and I don't mind being that person for him. In a way it's almost like a chance to see how I would have been if I had someone that took me under their wing when I was his age.
I have been proud to be a husband and proud to be a father... but for the first time I can actually say that I am proud to be an uncle.
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