Recently I played a pickup game of basketball and it got my mind going. Here I was taking these guys to the hoop over and over again. Keep in mind I haven't played in about a year but the game was coming easy for me. I was passing the ball around off the drive, hitting turnaround fadaways and beating people off the dribble like it was my job. Suddenly, I slowed up. Not because I was tired or injured but because I didn't want to kick the other people's butts that much. This got me thinking: do I do this is my normal life as well?
As stated I love attention. I want people to come up to me telling me how good I am at something, but everytime I get it I always seem to shy away from it instead of embrace it. It's like I have this need to look like I'm being humble. Just like in that basketball game when I decided to ease up, I find that I do that with everything.
Perhaps it's my way of wanting others to like me that I try not to be too full of myself, but this also leaves me with an empty feeling of wanting to go for it. I mean I push myself hard to be really good at something and once I get to a certain point where I am better than average I tend to slow down not wanting to put myself fully out there.
The way I see it is, if I am better than average then people will see how good I am... but if I am really good then I am afraid I will open myself up to criticism and that is hard for me to take. When it all comes down to it I am just scared of letting my true self be seen and judged.
Just once I want to push myself to be the BEST... not just better. To go for the everlasting goal instead of the short term accomplishment and show myself that I can do something without always worrying about what others feel about it. The problem is I am a perfectionist in my own way. I tend to overthink my course of action to avoid mistakes when really I just need to take a step out into that world of uncertainty and let it rain. Maybe this is also a reason why I feel I have unfinished business in the acting world.
My mind is brewing and soon I think it is about to explode with a creative nature that I have never seen or experienced before. Hopefully I will push myself to the limit wanting to be great instead of settling for just being good.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sianara
Well, my month long continuation of this blog has done it's purpose. It's been fun getting to the bottom of my thoughts at times and perhaps I will continue in the future. But for now I will take a break.
NO BLOG TODAY!!!!
I am making a quick blog to say that there will NOT be a blog today. Because it's Valentine's Day!!!!!
So anyone expecting a blog today will just have to wait for another day. I have home made Cordon Bleu and appetizers to make. It's going to be a hunger-less night for sure.
So anyone expecting a blog today will just have to wait for another day. I have home made Cordon Bleu and appetizers to make. It's going to be a hunger-less night for sure.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Proud of My Boy
Today I was able to see my son excel at baseball. This is his first year playing at 10 (soon to be 11) years old. For the past few years he has wanted to try out but his eye was a bit on the lazy side. He went through 2 surgeries and last year it finally took (good as new). So last October he states he wants to do it this coming year.
He has only had a few practices and the season doesn't officially start for another 3 weeks but I can see the fire in him to want to do better. From last week to this he has already improved on seeing the ball, throwing and most importantly having fun. That truly makes me a proud dad all around. Especially when he hit a line drive down the 3rd base line.
He has only had a few practices and the season doesn't officially start for another 3 weeks but I can see the fire in him to want to do better. From last week to this he has already improved on seeing the ball, throwing and most importantly having fun. That truly makes me a proud dad all around. Especially when he hit a line drive down the 3rd base line.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Temptation is A 5 Letter Word
Ugggghhhh. I hate this feeling. You know... that feeling of wanting something that you know you don't really need!
5 years ago I purchased a brand new Mazda RX-8. I spend hours working up a deal on that car and getting them to lower the price and the APR to almost nothing. I even got the managers involved with the deal as I worked them to death. In the end we were $500 away from my asking price and I was not budging. Finally I told them that I know they are spending x amount of dollars in interest to have this car just sitting on their lot and it has already been there for several weeks. I told them if they don't drop the price another $500 then they will spend more than that in taxes alone. Might as well give it to me now and save them the hassel. Sure enough they did just that AND gave me a 0.9 interest rate to boot.
For about a year I enjoyed driving that car everywhere I went. Even got it up to 135 mph on the highway once just to see what it could do. Sadly though I got rid of it. With the gas hike in 2007 I realized I really didn't need that kind of car nor the bad gas mileage it gave me.
Here I am 4 years later still craving that car. The Mazda dealership sent me a flyer in the mail yesterday and I made the mistake of logging into their website to see if they had any RX-8s in stock and sure enough they had one. It just starred at me with that pitiful look daring me to go to the dealership and buy it. Knowing I was heading down a dangerous path I quickly exited from the dealership website, but unfortunately the image is still in my head.
Out of all of the cars I have owed THAT was the one I miss the most. Bad part is I can easily afford it. I could go to the dealership now and pay them in full to own the car outright. But my will power must succeed. I am very comfortable with my current car now and have no need in getting a new one. But the human in me WANTS what it WANTS. UUGHHHHH!!!!
The main thing stopping me is that I promised my daughter that I would give her my current Nissan in 3 years (when she is ready to get her drivers license). But even she said she'd rather me get the Mazda again. Maybe she thinks she would eventually get that RX-8 in the future but hell no to that.
3 more years..... 3 more years..... 3 more years.....
5 years ago I purchased a brand new Mazda RX-8. I spend hours working up a deal on that car and getting them to lower the price and the APR to almost nothing. I even got the managers involved with the deal as I worked them to death. In the end we were $500 away from my asking price and I was not budging. Finally I told them that I know they are spending x amount of dollars in interest to have this car just sitting on their lot and it has already been there for several weeks. I told them if they don't drop the price another $500 then they will spend more than that in taxes alone. Might as well give it to me now and save them the hassel. Sure enough they did just that AND gave me a 0.9 interest rate to boot.
For about a year I enjoyed driving that car everywhere I went. Even got it up to 135 mph on the highway once just to see what it could do. Sadly though I got rid of it. With the gas hike in 2007 I realized I really didn't need that kind of car nor the bad gas mileage it gave me.
Here I am 4 years later still craving that car. The Mazda dealership sent me a flyer in the mail yesterday and I made the mistake of logging into their website to see if they had any RX-8s in stock and sure enough they had one. It just starred at me with that pitiful look daring me to go to the dealership and buy it. Knowing I was heading down a dangerous path I quickly exited from the dealership website, but unfortunately the image is still in my head.
Out of all of the cars I have owed THAT was the one I miss the most. Bad part is I can easily afford it. I could go to the dealership now and pay them in full to own the car outright. But my will power must succeed. I am very comfortable with my current car now and have no need in getting a new one. But the human in me WANTS what it WANTS. UUGHHHHH!!!!
The main thing stopping me is that I promised my daughter that I would give her my current Nissan in 3 years (when she is ready to get her drivers license). But even she said she'd rather me get the Mazda again. Maybe she thinks she would eventually get that RX-8 in the future but hell no to that.
3 more years..... 3 more years..... 3 more years.....
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Movie Script is Born
Today I have been inspired to write another script. For years I have been sitting on a script based upon a portion of my life and have literally done nothing with it. Sure I have a manager that occasionally calls me to say there is interest but that's about it. I just do not have the energy to shop it around at this point in my life.
Since then though I have had numerous ideas for another one but put it on the back burner until I felt ready to write it. Main reason being, the script I am starting to write now is based on a true American story. Of course I am not going to reveal what the story is about here on this blog.... because that would be suicide... but I will tell you if I can do it right and capture the essence of the film then I think James Cameron would be quite interested in ripping the idea from me. Then perhaps I could sue him and get a few hundred thousand dollars.
Seriously though, I am just getting tired of sitting on this idea. The hardest part is the research and just creating a good beginning so last night I sat down and brainstormed. Suddenly an idea was born and I began writing. This will take me some time to finish I am sure (especially to get all the details right), but just starting the script has made me feel like I am on the right path. A dream of mine would be to sell this script, make some good money, and have my other scripts pushed through because of it. All it really takes is one to get you in the door.
Since then though I have had numerous ideas for another one but put it on the back burner until I felt ready to write it. Main reason being, the script I am starting to write now is based on a true American story. Of course I am not going to reveal what the story is about here on this blog.... because that would be suicide... but I will tell you if I can do it right and capture the essence of the film then I think James Cameron would be quite interested in ripping the idea from me. Then perhaps I could sue him and get a few hundred thousand dollars.
Seriously though, I am just getting tired of sitting on this idea. The hardest part is the research and just creating a good beginning so last night I sat down and brainstormed. Suddenly an idea was born and I began writing. This will take me some time to finish I am sure (especially to get all the details right), but just starting the script has made me feel like I am on the right path. A dream of mine would be to sell this script, make some good money, and have my other scripts pushed through because of it. All it really takes is one to get you in the door.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A Letter to My Complex Manager
Recently I had a run-in with the security guard at my complex. Below is the actual letter that I wrote to management explaining the situation.
2/5/2011
To Management:
On the night of February 4th shortly after 10pm the security guard came to Pool #1. There were about 7 to 8 of us just sitting around talking when the Security guard told us to leave. Without anyone saying a word we got out of the pool. As we were leaving he asked who was a resident here because we should know better. This was uncalled for and extremely rude behavior on the guards part. He even accused me of having a glass at the pool even when I told him it was plastic.
As I was toweling off the guard approached me and said “If this happens again I will have to take names”. Excuse me, but if WHAT HAPPENS? All the security had to do was simply say it’s time to leave and we are always ready to. Especially at Pool #1 where we just socialize and relax. There is no need for intimidating tactics of any nature. The guard was acting like he was trying to start a fight.
This started getting the people at the pool upset, because everyone was already leaving the area and we all felt that his constant berating us was uncalled for. One person told him “He didn’t have to be a dick about it” and the security guard began following that person out of the pool area causing the resident to state “Don’t follow me”.
This is not the first time this security guard has been rude and abrupt in his tone. I am writing to inform management that this behavior by any staff is not warranted and unnecessary. I would hate for this complex (which is a nice community to live in) to end up with bad reviews and a not so favorable reputation because of the security staff. You guys have worked hard to keep this complex looking and feeling nice and comfortable to have one person throw it off balance.
I am sure you do not want your residents to feel intimated to relax at the pool and hot tub areas at all. I am afraid if this rudeness continues with your security that it will only add more conflicts in the future and could lead to police action if it ever got out of hand. I know nobody wants that.
Thank you for your attention in this matter
Jeff
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