Money Is Never the Answer

Money!  Why has this one concept completely dominated the world?  Is this what life has become?  I often wonder why this is such a motivator for people to build their lives around like it's their form of religion.

It's actually quite disgusting how we have been so dependent on "earning" that we forget how to spend it properly.  I am so tired of seeing people spending up to their income and beyond and then bitch and complain about being in debt.  It just doesn't make sense.  I mean you would think that a person making $200k a year is financially well off but behind the scenes you see that they are having problems making their mortgage each month with their $2 million home and 3 brand new cars outside (each with a personalized license plate naming each one).  So I ask a question again... why do we feel the need to overspend to feel happy?

Now I have had my fair share of indulging in my youth... but over the years I have managed to pay off both my cars in full, have ZERO roll over credit card debt each month and build a nice little stash for myself just in case.  I haven't even paid 1 cent in interest to a credit card company in about 7 years.  I was able to accomplish this all while living in a nice place with top rated schools for my children to attend.

If this post seems like I'm bragging... well I kinda am.  But really it's not that hard to live underneath your paycheck... it just takes discipline.  Something I'm sure that most people do not possess much less even know the definition of.

In the end we will all end up in the same place lying on our death beds wondering where all the years have gone.  At that point what difference does it make if we had material wealth or not.  Despite what the Egyptians believe you can't take it with you.  And who's to say that the ones you leave it too are better off.

The bottom line is... life should be about exploration, being free and leaving your surroundings in better condition than what you had to begin with.  The more we lose our souls to the green paper god, the more we devalue our overall existence.

People Are People... WHY?

I find it fascinating how other people choose to live their lives.  What happened to make people the way they are and why do they feel the way they do.  Perhaps it's the old actor notion in me that wants to understand people to a degree, but in truth I just want to put my own mind at ease.

For instance, what makes a person who grows up with a shitty father act the same way years later?  I'm not talking about psycho-babble Freudian crap either.  Just trying to find the bones deep truth of it all.  I had a crappy father... which I have made mention of several times before.  But I always felt the best way to handle that was to be a better person in all aspects of my life.  I chose to learn not just from my mistakes but from his... and my brothers as well.  I have no excuses because I know how not to be and what doesn't work.  The key is to keep figuring life out until it makes sense.

I know people aren't born with the answers they need so we have to make it up as we go.  But there is something to be said for common sense which seems to be lost on the masses and observed by the very few.

All I know is, I would never end up in the projects somewhere, cashing welfare checks and dealing drugs to survive... but if I ever were I would get up and move the F--- away... start over somewhere new and attempt to make a life for myself.  I fail to see me being really that much smarter, more dedicated and understanding than 90% of people in this world.  Then again... perhaps I really am born this way... to think for myself and not depend on others to lead me to their dreams.

I always felt that being intelligent is more than being able to calculate complex problems... but it is also trying to see other people's point of view and relate.  An art that is lost on today's world. 

Bang My Head Tooth Pain

Woke up this morning with my tooth hurting.  It started out with just a bit of pain but within an hour it was bang-my-head-against-the-wall unbearable.  I took an 800mg ibuprofen and waited.... and waited.... and waited.  Since the pain wouldn't let up I had to make an emergency dental appointment which I am happy they were able to get me in quickly.

I wish I could say that they patched it up and that was that, but sadly I know that tooth will have to come out soon.  Worse yet, it's my mid molar meaning I would need to have it replaced with an implant.  I've known this for about 3 months now (since the last time my tooth pain flared up) but with it happening again today it looks like I will have to take care of this sooner than later.

Total cost out of pocket will be around $3800 and I will have to wait about 3 to 6 months after my tooth is taken out and a partial bone put up into the gum before the implant can be put in.  Meaning that's 3 to 6 months of going without a vital tooth that I would need for eating.  Thankfully it is a mid molar and not seen clearly when I smile.

Hopefully I can put this off for a few more months but I know for sure that I will have to have it done.  It's just a matter of when now.

How I Met My Wife.... Both Times

With our 16th wedding anniversary approaching this month I have been reminded of how we first met (both times)... I'll explain.

The first time was Halloween of 1994.  I was a few months into my senior year of high school and working at the local grocery store.  After work I was introduced to her through my friend as we walked around the neighborhood.  Soon after I got her phone number and we talked on and off for the next month or so.  Soon after we lost touch for whatever reason.

Fast forward to the end of the school year.  I was a week away from graduation and already planning my future college life.  I had plans to go back to Houston and meet up with my former girlfriend who I've been writing letters to back and forth for several months now.  Yes, these were actually hand written letters sent via mail... not this new age email, text messing stuff.  One day I found myself in the weight room during gym class (a class I never miss) and I felt like leaving for whatever odd reason.  So I got dressed and walked right out of the gym door and there in front of me sitting on the hallway bench was my future wife.  I made eye contact as she motioned for me to sit next to her.  We talked for a few moments to catch up and I told her I tried to call once but it was disconnected.  She quickly gave me her new phone # as it had been changed.  Not even a day later I got a call from her asking if I'd go with her to meet a few friends after school and that was that.  Within a few days we started dating and by the summer I had made up my mind to stay in Missouri to go to college.

All it took was that one chance encounter to change my life forever.  Who knows where I would be at right now if I never walked out of that gym class when I did.  Most likely I would have moved back to Houston and gone a completely different direction.  Even if we would to have somehow met again years down the road we wouldn't have had our same kids we have now and who knows probably wouldn't be living in LA either.  That just boggles my mind and is enough to make me believe that destiny does exist.

Looking back I am so happy how things have turned out for us and there is not one other directions that I wish my life would have taken.  My kids and my wife mean the world to me and everything I have ever gone through in life has brought me to where I am today.  That is why there is absolutely nothing I would change if given the chance. 

Some people can't understand how we have been able to stay together for 16 straight years (17 1/2 if you count dating).  Most people can't even fathom how we did it at such a young age (me 19 and my wife 17 years old when we got married).  Even I don't understand it at times.  All I can say is we were blessed to have found each other the way we did and blessed with two great kids that crack us up to this day.  Even if that was all we had, I still would consider myself a very fortunately person.

"TRAJEDY" - A 9/11 Story

TRAJEDY

As I am standing on this vast sea of invisibility,

I am reminded of a time that has since passed me by;
A world of chaos as seen through my eyes,
With impending darkness that bleeds me inside.

Screams are still heard as I look all around,

But surprisingly so there’s no one to be found;
Buried neck up I can’t muster a sound,
Constantly wondering if I’m stuck underground.

The more I struggle the less I survive,

The horror ridden images locked in my mind;
The heat is consuming as I try hard to find,
The will to stay strong while trapped in this bind. 

Somehow I manage to break myself free,

Rising through the ashes I escape the debris;
My heart flutters as the black won’t let me be,
And it doesn’t let up until fresh air I breathe.

Even now, eleven years late,

I still fight the memories that have tempted my fate;
As I try to move on from that senseless date,
The memories still haunt me – forever awake.

11/15/12

5 Things You Don't Know About Me

Seeing as I am a person that doesn't really open up to people about my past (well in person anyhow), I thought I would dedicate this post to things you may not know about me.  Many people who read this will know me as a photographer and dad that lives in the Los Angeles area that likes to go on trips for work and fun.  But there is much more to me that I rarely tell anyone that has helped shape the person I am today.

#1- Not a black belt:  There are people that know I have taken Tang Soo Do karate and for the most part I have led them to believe I am a true black belt.  In reality I never made it that far.  I studied for several years when I was still in Houston.  I advanced through the rankings quite quickly due to my dedication to learn and quick feet/hands.  About a year into it I tore my ACL in my knee but carried on anyhow.  Before I could fully recover my family ended up moving 1000 miles north to Missouri.  I searched for a new place to continue my learning but never found one that worked so I practiced at home and studied on my own.  Officially I am not a certified blackbelt in Tong Soo Do karate but mentally I feel I got there (as I know I would have if I would have stayed in Houston).

#2- Worked as a caregiver:  I once worked with mentally challenged adults in their own homes for over a year.  I worked an average of 70 hours per week (mostly the overnight shift since I was in college).  I would arrive around 10pm or so when the clients were sleeping and make sure they got ready in the morning for their work or schooling.  I did this for 6 to 7 days a week which made our first 6 months of marriage quite crazy.  Every now and then though I would find a way to sneak my wife overnight.  I finally left when they suspended me for 2 weeks without pay because a client told someone I beat him.  After the 2 weeks they found he was lying and said I could come back- although without any compensation for the time lost.  I told them I refuse to work for a place that can send me home at anytime without pay based on an accusation so I quit on the spot.

#3- An Alter Boy and Boy Scout:  When I was younger my mom did everything she could to keep me active outside of the house.  Being a devout Catholic she took me to Sunday school every week and somehow I became an altar boy.  I can't quite remember how long I did that for but every few Sundays I would be seated near the preast and help out during service (all while dressed in a white gown).  I even helped with a few funerals and baptisms.  Boy Scouts was the other thing my mom put me through.  Although there were many times that I truly hated it, I see now that I am older how it has benefited me.  Since my dad was a deadbeat my mom took it upon herself to accompany me on the camping trips and functions.  I will always love her for that!  I was a Life Scout (almost an Eagle Scout) when I was uprooted to Missouri and never was able to finish- much like the karate thing.  However, I always consider myself an Eagle Scout because I did do all of the requirements I needed to do.

#4- Virgin until I met my wife:  I had many girlfriends growing up.  There was actually a three year period of time where I didn't go more than a week without dating someone, but during that time I never slept with any of them.  It wasn't a religious choice by any means but simply just never wanted to be THAT GUY.  I treated a girl with respect and just wanted to have fun but I never felt like any of them were the one that I could settle down with.  I even left a girls house who was literally all over me half naked.  No I never had gay tendancies... I just truly wanted to be with someone that I cared about and that didn't happen until I met my now wife.  We've been together for almost 18 years now (16 married) and I wouldn't change a thing.

#5- Stay at home dad:  After my daughter was born we were swamped trying to make ends meet.  I was going to college full time, plus interning for free at the local NBC newstation, plus working two jobs while trying to be a dad for the first time.  So when my son was born a few years later I decided something different that would ultimately change our lives for the better- I started my own internet based business.  Within 3 months I was able to quit my computer software job at the college and work from home.  As my wife went back to work I found myself being the person that raised our kids during the day.  From changing diapers to feedings and teaching them how to walk.  I pretty much have been home ever since- beit a few temp jobs here and there when times were slow.  I love being a stay at home dad although it often did make my wife jealous :)  This was truly one of my proudest times in life.

A Smart Phone Plan Costs WHAT?????

So it's been almost 2 years now that I have downgraded my smart phone to a simpler one and surprisingly I haven't really missed it.  My bill for the family has barely been around $95 per month and neither one of my kids are addicted to texting since I took it off their phone.

However, for Christmas I thought perhaps upgrading our phones back to the data plan (Even for 1 year) would be a nice gift for everyone.  So I logged into my Sprint page, checked the rates and almost hit the floor when I saw the price now.  $235 a month BEFORE TAXES just to have phones capable of having internet on them.  WHAT?????  That's more than double.... just for data!  Keep in mind this doesn't even include the new phones.

To break it down the base plan would be $170 for two phones.  To add two more phones (regardless if they are a smart phone or not) would be $30 more each.  How in the world in this day and age does this cost THAT much money.  And how in the world are people living off of food stamps and welfare walking around with this kind of phone?  Perhaps that is why they are on welfare to begin with.

After doing the math I realized this would cost me an addition $1620 for the year to do.  For $1620 I could fly round trip to Europe....TWICE!!!!  For $1620 I could buy a used third vehicle outright just for the fun of it.  For $1620 I could... well you get the point!  Bottom line in why on earth would I spend that kind of money just to be connected 24/7?  No thank you.  This is one person that will stick to his morals and keep his small, dingy, no data cell phone that's only good to make calls and be very happy that he did.